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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Engrish 

This site called Engrish cracks me up. Just had to share. I had always thought this was hysterical and I even kept a notebook with nothing but strange English that I found everywhere in the city when I was on college. I don't do that no more, but it's great for some dosage of giggles you deserve per day.

Food for thought 

Rainy day in Tokyo. Sakura is in full bloom right now, and hopefully this rain won't wash away too many sakura.. as I haven't done ohanami yet.

Tonight's guest was this chief board member of Japan Palestine Medical Association who is also a journalist himself, named Mr Mitsukazu Shibo, who recently published a book called Palestine. Today was the last tuesday working with Nonaka-san,Kitamura-kun for me. which was kind of sad, but we all have to just learn to adjust to changes, I guess.

Things that totally pissed me off today was that, on the way home I had take out obento from Matsuya because Kevin requested it, so in the rain I went to get the bento, and got on the subway. and people were looking at me like I have gone nuts or something. like ... a decent dressed girl with big o' take out bentos from Matsuya, they had this ??? eyes ..so many made sure that they looked at my face and then looked at my bento in the plastic bag. What's wrong with it? When I bring home a bag of Kiyo's kitchen take out, I get to ride the train just fine. but man, I am NEVER doing this again. It has only been a recent thing that I started taking trains to work, so I can save up some money. When I did tax return, I realized that I spent like a million yen worth of taxi a year. That's crazy so... but still I did not enjoy that "are you ok?!" look by these people on the train just because I had Matsuya bento!!! Is it so wrong when we women eat like "salaryman"? I do prefer good food, like organic food, goooood pasta, and all that. I love good restaurants. I appreciate gooood food. but I don't want people judging me for the food I choose to eat. They were not staring at me funny because of iPod that Kev let me use today. It was the bento from Matsuya....

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Fake smile 

As I was on the train commuting back and forth to work today, one thing that came to my mind as I was looking at those pretty girls poster, and magazine ads were this. " Gotta be tough to smile when you don't even feel like it." Although most people don't seem to understand how "hard" that is because they think you are paid to smile, which is true. but some people have a really hard time doing this, really, life is not so wonderful for them all the time. Imagine yourself when your family or friends just passe away, and you are at the shoot, all these people are tryng to get you dressed up, with all make-up, and forcing you to smile.

I am not in a career where I have to smile all the time in public, but I have always smiled around work people, so when shit happens, which happens a lot, my face will start having this muscle spasm because you are not smiling from the heart. It sucks.

My biggest concern now is my own fxxking brother and his family who are totally made out of greed. I have a problem with these people who are just so good taking advante of people with this magical power of rolling in the fortune, cashing in everything to their own pocket, and never give a dime for anybody else. They LIE, They don't give a fxxk about anybody but themselves, They are so good doing this that makes me sooooo ill. They even make other people, (and shamlessly I am talking about myself) look like "I" am made out of greed, and when you try to stand up for yourself, they just ignore you, or make you feel even worse. grrrrrr I am so fxxked.

I always wished that I had a decent brother/sister. I don't lie. Because I don't have a trustworthy brother. He fxxking abused me in so many different ways. As a little kid, I remember trying to follow him and his friends to the park, and they used to hide out, and they took a picture of me looking for my brother(and I was like 3-4) and totally laughing at me. My mom still should have that. He called me buta (pig) every morning I wake up for long as I remember. He made fun of my one tiime cooking failure and was vocal about it to people. Whenever I had a problem, he was never around to listen to me. All my life, he was like a brother who I was forced to somehow admire, and respect regardless. So it amazes me how some "brothers" I know are so nice to their sisters, how are they so???? Of is that more normal??? Although I always played this happy girl. happy sister. and always smiled and laughed out loud regardless of what my heart was really saying.

My parents are so gung-ho about being fair to both of us. yet they are not. That's the sad part. I feel like I just realized that after all, I was a born loner and will always be one. and that I have to make a living for myself without depending on anybody, but just me. In order to do so, I cannot get sick. Well, dj can't get sick. You are supposed to sound genki and your voice to always sound normal so you are in trouble if you are sick.

The only time I got full attention from my parents were when I was sick. It sucks to be sick. Hate that feeling. but I am in the mood now to really want to get sick now. Crazy as it sounds. This is my way of crying for help. then again I can't get sick. I have to be on air every day this week. *sigh* but seems like that's the only time you can get away not smiling until your heart is warm and recovered again.


I want something that my brother doesn't have. and I don't know what that is.

Roppongi Hills 

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Where I work is the topic of the nation now. Roppongi Hills. As you all know by now. a boy got stuck in the revolving door and died last week, what a tragedy. I must say that I was rather uncomfortable going to work today, once I got there, there was a table with lots of flowers and snacks at the place where the death of the little osaka boy occured. People were putting their hands together and praying. After work, the whole area was blocked out, and they were doing the investigation. (This picture is of that scene, a lot of media people were there also, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to take a picture, so I took it from a little far from the scene, looks too dark and hard to see, I know) People that looked like from Mori building side, and the maker of that revolving door, were obvisouly debating about something when I walked by there. Now all of those revolving doors are not being used and instead they set up an automatic door.

I'd rather not say what it was like to use that revolving door, or rather not comment on this news. All I wish is that Mori building or anybody who is involved in construction or design of the new "cool" buildings will learn something from the death of this boy. My deepest condolecense goes to this boy and his family.
Kankyou(enviroumental)rodrigues, a NPO group led by Waseda University students came as a guest on the show today. Today was the last monday with Jam the world. Just went by, just another day.

Blognality test? 

My Bloginality is ISFJ!!! I am not sure if this is me, thus not sure if this is accurate..

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Exile's night 

Exile's night is back, at Lounge Neo in Shibuya, we missed the first one last month but this time we went. Totally different atmosphere compared to muse, but still it had the good vibe and good people as always. Because of the programing changing season, everyone is busy and not too many showed up but still we had fun.

I probably had like 6-7 beers plus red wine and white wine. and did a fair amount of exercising on the dancefloor, it was fun :) Pictures from last night are uploaded .. Check pictures right here :)

Next one is April 10th. We will be there again!

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Innocence 

I couldn't sleep. By the time I finally fell asleep was when the sun was already out. I did some errands today, and after Kevin's private eigo lesson with this really nice guy at our place, I dragged Kev out to see Innocence by Mamoru Oshii.

I haven't even seen "Ghost in the shell". The only reason I wanted to see this movie is because of the interview article with Toshio Suzuki from Ghibuli that I read on frau magazine while I couldn't sleep last night. Because of this article, I expected a lot more from this film.. which turned out to be not something I expected. I didn't know until I bought this movie pamphlet that this movie was a semi-sequel to Ghost in the shell. oops. CGI was definately amazing but sorry, I didn't get it. Director Oshii apparently has been wondering for the past 30 years why human crave to make a doll that resembles you, action figures, figures that are like the living things. So Oshii used dolls in a film as a tool for us to listen to what they(the dolls) have to say about human beings from their perspective. Still, I might just be stupid and clueless or something not being able to appreciate this film, but I didn't get it LOL

The interview article was good though. (and I must say that it's cool how Suzuki-san produced this film for free. ) He talks about how this film throws you questions like,
1. what if your companion/partner is not good to you, don't you think your companion doesn't necessarily have to be a human, it could be an animal such as dogs as long as you feel complete?

2. How the hell people who can't appreciate the time alone to themselves are able to have a solid relationship with another, by experiencing the true loneliness, and by tuning in to your feelings, isn't that a way to how you can understand how other people feel?

3. What the heck is happiness? what are we human beings? what the heck is going on with our bodies? what do we all live for?

4. In Japan, the whole koseki system is about to corrupt anytime soon. Japanese people tend to be extreme about feeling obligated about not corrupting your family roots, or how people make you feel like you must belong to a system called family otherwise you are a failure sort of thing. but aren't there more choices now? Is family ties that important. We can't live alone but don't you think people who support you don't necessarily have to be your family any more?

See, if this movie makes you think this much, I thought this must be a brilliant movie. but.. eh.. anyway. Suzuki-san says that Miya-san (as he always calls Hayao Miyazaki) is working on another film set to release this summer now, titled "Hauru no ugoku shiro" (Hauru's moving castle) which is also based on new perspective on family. so ... better luck next time, right?

I got an email from Gaga saying there will be an early screening of Kill Bill 2 on april 13th, (It opens in theatre on 24th) so I gotta go see this. Like I need a really gooood dessert(Kill Bill 2!) after a french cuisine which was someow listed with triple stars but you didn't understand why.

Friday, March 26, 2004

a rumour 

I found out about this webpage about reporting the gaijins that look suspicious to the immigration annoymously from Hoyoyo's blog, so I checked the immigration's website and it is not about reporting anybody, but it's about if you spot a foreigner that seems like a illegal alien. (but that sounds just as bad :( ) They are going to do a major campaign all throughout June to "clean out" the illegal alien residents. Why are they doing this?? and Why June, because of this rumour (I read that on the tabloid magazine) that something is going to happen to Tokyo on 6.11?

This is too strange though, because I have been hearing this annoymous rumour spreading around, how there is going to be a terrorism attack in Shibuya area. People I saw today at the party were even talking about this, how there has been many people who have these arabic men suddently talking to you and telling her/him to be careful, because there is going to be a major terrorism attack in Shibuya. There are apparently emails going around warning about this too. (and I would think that's why there are like 20 cops/securities now in Shibuya, 17-20 in Ebisu from what I have seen so far) I even saw this very same post entry on avex artists' website's BBS.

We were saying how this has gotta be a myth, and just a rumour to scare people. There have been many of these similar things in the past, like kuchisake-onnna, (women whose lips were torn apart and bleeding, and she follows you home and kill you, this was popular when I was in elementary school that I literally ran home sceaming one day. ) or the ending of Doraemon. (there was a rumour saying that the ending of Doraemon is going to be sad, because Nobita becomes a vegetable, and he wakes up from a dream and realize that everything was a dream, and Doraemon never existed) or the ending of Sazae-san around the same time when Doraemon ending theory was everywhere, that Sazae-san's whole family are going back to the sea and become what they are supposed to be. LOL ( because all the characters on the show are all named after the seafood) .

But anyway, I hope this is just a rumour. Or is this some fool's idea to spread the rumour like this to make kids think and have a reality of "what if a terrorism attack happens in my own country like what happend in Spain?".

but either way, this isn't very cool. Does it really help make Japan a country of peace by doing this?? I do not know o_O. Although on the immigration's website, it states, other than reporting the fact about whether she/he is an illegal alien, it says NOT to slander about this particular person. hmmm.......

and that's a wrap! 

Another rainy day. Went to Tsukiji for a "uchiage", wrap party for CBF. Guys from Big shot, the ad agency, Maeda-san from Recording industry association of Japan, who is a former member of Avex Group. A bunch of people from FM Osaka, Some from Axev, and on-site staffs all got together. FM Osaka gave me a bouquet of flowers. The show continued for 11 years total. but we'll be taking a break. In a formal setting, a typical gyoukai style, it's hard to explain what it's like to be present at a gathering like this. It's like there are codes to be read, during the conversation.

I always liked Maeda-san. He's a son of famous actor named Takehiko Maeda. What he talks about, even though he's super gyoukai person, is always quite interesting. and he's always on top of the game. Like today, he was talking about how he's been doing the research about Hall of fame. USA is full of Hall of Fame, and museums, lifetime achievement awards, and such. but if you think about it, there is NONE in Japan. There are many wonderful artists of the past like Hibari Misora and Masao Koga, and even though there are some museums of each individual, there is no chinese theatre, no hall of fame, no generic museums, like enka museum, or J-pop museum that exists here. He thinks there should be a market for this here, too because these aspiring artists of today and the past, need to live on. and the only way to do it is to establish something like this.
When we have gyouza museum, or ramen museum, why can't we have a museum contributed to music?

He was saying how he is interested in going to Rock'n' roll museum in Cleveland, Ohio but he wouldn't go there just for that, so that he is trying to come up with soem extra reason to go visit for research one day. He was like a little kid with all that excitement when he was explaining to us about how a local DJ in Ohio came up with the name "Rock 'n' roll" and went into details talking about the whole deal.

When you think about what we have, what they have, what we don't have, comparing different cultures, it's amazing how we can find out about a lot of stuff that can be beneficial as a marketing tool. That's what I am trying to do with Hawaii-Tokyo. Things that we take for granted, but things they don't have. It rather seems to work when you bring different culture to the country where you live currently. So that's me bringing Hawaii to Japan if I am in Japan, but will be about bringing Tokyo to Hawaii when I move there. So I have been giving lots of thought.

We are going to do another party on April 12 or 13 just with the staffs that really worked on the show. That'd be fun. and yeah tomorrow night from 8pm. my last show, (CBF) will air. I should sit home and listen to my own show.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Exiles night 

oh and if you are in a bit of a funk like me, let's go hit the club called Lounge Neo at Club Asia on this coming saturday night! Another Exiles night!! Woo hoo! It's from 10pm to 5am. Fee is 3000 if you are a dude, 2500 yen if you are a chick or a dude accompanied by a chick :) Party host, Robert Harris. Be there! and give me a hug if you see me there.

Family tree 

Recently the weather has been so crappy. Everyday I wake up and look out the window, rain..get all depressed and crawl back into bed. It's so depressing. I was walking home with a takeout from my favorite curryshop, and my fingers were freezing up. *sigh*

I am so proud of myself for using train back and forth to work these days, It's about time that I do that, I hate crowds of people because I get really dizzy. but hopefully I can stick to this. I can save up a lot this way because I use too much money on taxi. Music helps me. Maybe I should go check out the mini iPod. They are really cool. I wouldn't mind having a pink one. Right now, I am usinng my old CD player, and that's embrassing because not many use CD player anymore.. like... at least MD player. So I just keep my CD player in my bag and never take it out so people don't have to laugh at me.

Here is the news that we covered on the show today.
6 people(including some kids) who were supposedly "Railroad mania" were arrested for stealing the parts of the train a while ago. We talked
how this group has stolen 80 parts already when thet got arrested, and how far they would go to collect what they want. Well, but in their case, one of the guys from the group was making a living off from it, so I don't think it would be fair and proper to say that this guy was a railroad mania. because majority don't steal. but, how far will you go to get the stuff for your collection? When I see auction at like Sazaby's, that just amazes me.

Kevin likes to collect things, from figures, toys in general. and I still haven't yet figured out what goes on in so-called collecter people's mind. As much as I let myself obsessed with fear, anxiety, worries, I don't really obsess with collecting one category of things. I don't know why, but I just don't collect. but we all certainly do some sort of collection one way or the other but some people go way too extreme, but stealing stuff from the train can get you in jail up to 10 years or more added penalty in Japan, so that's a no-no.

but that's not what I want to write about. or what's on my mind..

I have been thinking a lot about family. "Koseki" system(family register system) is only available in certain countries including Japan or Korea(that's what I heard anyway but I am not 100% sure) . Koseki makes family tree seem stronger, and in my family it is often discussed about who is going to inherit our family tree and how important that was. I grew up feeling like an outsider being a girl in Japan because I was worthless anyway once I marry someone. knowing and being repeately told that I would not mean anything to my family tree. and something that just sorta confirned me that feeling happend to me yesterday, and I have been feeling really empty. but I wonder... does "name" really mean anything in life spiritually? Even if you are Paris "Hilton" or George "Bush" , if your family name is larger than life, it's gotta be overwhelming, and you want to pay respect to your name. Then again I am not so sure any more how important "name" is. Why can't we be something that we want to be,(name-wise) and not have that taken in effect of anything? I did my career with my family name all this time as a way to contribute somehow to my family, and now I don't know if it meant anything to anyone. and excuse me if I am not making any sense because I don't even know what is the point I am trying to make here.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

For shizzle my nizzle 

I found this Slang dictionary site called urban dictionary from Kokinta's blog. HILARIOUS!! It has sound bytes so you can repeat the phrase after them!! LOL

Days Japan. First of its kind. Photo journalism magazine.  

Magazine sales in Japan has been going down 5 years in a row. but despite the fact, Photo journalist named Ryuichi Hirokawa launched this magazine called Days Japanwith the hope to give alternative visual information about the war. This magazine does not only cover about the war, but things like domestic violence, and many other topics that when you see the reality on the picture, you feel like not facing the truth=pictures.

It was great to have him on the show. I would say that tonight's interview with him was one of the best that we did so far. You see this magazine at most of the bookstores, it has been on sale since last week. but because he couldn't release this magazine under the certain publisher, he made its own comapany for publishing this magazine called Days Japan, and he managed to do all the ditrubution negotiation, ad negotian, and all that editing. Plus, he used photographers like James Nachtway from Magnum, (he got injured last December during the shoot in Iraq, the man next to him died and it was on the news, We interviewed him last year so it was shocking to hear that from Hirokawa-san, but he said Nachtway is better now and should soon go back to the battlefield again.) I asked him that he must be expencive, but they all understand, that this magazine is to one day that we can say there is no more war, no innocene people to be killed. As this magazine's goal is not to be for magazine publisher to become rich.

He said that it's really hard to do this magazine, they need to reach 30,000 issues in order to be able to pay people. including some of the big name contributers. but they haven't gotten there yet. He feels though that once this circulation gets to a certain big number like 100 thouand issues. then there will be a big shake-up and censor from the goverment so he is not sure how long this magazine has its life, but that he is doing all he can. He said that his goal wasn't to become an editor, so he wants to quit in 2 years and let somebody else fill his position when possible. because he is a photo journalist, and he'd rather take photos, to tell public the truth about what's going on around the world.

The picture of this father holding a iraqi girl who is burnt all over, and her toefinger is barely hanging on to her foot with the burnt skin, blood all over, by the bomb, is on the front cover. That's the war.

I think tonight's interview with him made our listeners think. Think again about what kind of world we are in, and how we let other people take control of our lives without knowing all that much, or rather not being informed. How come so many anti-war rallies have been done around the world. and yet, nothing ever changes. I wonder.

New eating habit?  

I read this article about Less portion, longer span of life on russian online zine. I have been giving a lot of thoughts on my eating habit, how much I hate my eating habit.

I have so low energy of actually making something everyday, maintaining work and housewifely duties (whatever that may be) is diffucult. but I would love to cook more, but right now I only have energy to cook something when I have time and energy. but I want to eat organic food, less meat, and 2-3 times a day, small portion, drink lots of water. That's one thing that I am definately changing along with my relocation to paradise. I want to grow herbs or veggies out in the yard, and use them for my own cooking. Just like my mom does.

We have gone to Macdonald's like twice this week already, bad sign. I want to eat better, get in shape. and more than anything, just feel better.

Nonaka-san, tuesday navigator of Jam the world. he said he became eczema free after trying macrobiotic food for a year, apparently body cleanses and changes after 11 months of being on the certain type of food. but the toughest part of continuing it was to find the organic food. I feel the same way, Japan is organic food unfriendly at this point. He recommended me to check a company called Oisix. They have a good selection and like the fact how they deliver :) I wish there was a organic food obento delivery place. I would totally be using it. Of course it's probably better to cook it by yourself.

I will miss being on the show with Nonaka-san after April 1st. I will be a wednesday, thursday, friday person. He has gotten me into this blog, and taught me many interesting things. Next week will be the last one with him, oh well :(

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Cold spring day 

It has gotten cold again today, geez how long do we have to wait til Spring and sakura in full bloom? In this cold rain, Haruurara, the racing horse who's famous for never winning, joined the game wth the help of Yutaka Take, the Japan's master horserider! People were betting high hoping that haruurara will win for its first time, but we learn one thing from a horse today, that no matter how good of an instructer/teacher/master you have, if you ain't got no talent, or motivation, they can't really whip your ass to do anything. Horses don't change, so as the humans. You can't really force them to change, because some people just don't change.

Today we talked to Masayoshi Iida, the attorney at law who belongs to a group that deals with stuff like invasion of privacy or media leakage of private information, human rights and such on the show. We talked about non other than the whole ordeal with the politician Makiko Tanaka's daughter's situation. I got to read what it said on the magazine called Shukan bunshun. My honest opinion is, well so why did shukan bunshun bother about this? Because it had nothing to do with Tanaka family like they were trying to tie this whole thing. I guess Japan is finally changing in that sense, that people are starting to protect their privacy in the court of law. They still do not have any guideline as to who is considered a "public" person and who is "private" person. So that's the issue Japan has to face now, I guess.

Oh, saw this movie called Ping Pong Very good. It's old, but watched it on dvd last night. Highly recommed it if you haven't seen it thinking that it looked like a bizzare otaku movie.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

wonders of cyberspace 

We went to mandarake shops inside Nakano Broadway ..mandarake is taking up the available space left and right and it'll soon be Nakano Mandarake broadway, nothing but Mandarake. How scary. We saw this shop called " Super tissues" where they had used panties, stockings. shoes worn by ladies. all that fettish stuff. That was weird. We didn't go in but ..I just felt funny inside. I took a picture of the store, not inside though, and that name.. "Super tissues"?? LOL like hey enjoy!! I will upload a picture of this store when I have time.

Been eating like a LOT. We went to a place called "onaka ippai" (haha) and then this really yummy udon place. I feel bloated ,so fat and ugly. argh. Keeping up with Kevin's appetite is so bad. and like he's listening to all day non-stop music by Tesla which is driving me crazy. I admit that I did go see them live in concert here in Tokyo. but I'd rather listen to a mix of all kind of metal if I had a choice... I wonder what happened to guys in Tesla though.. hmmm? (oh Kev informs me now that they just came out with a new album, sorry guys)

Well, this orkut.com thing that I signed up is a little too muzukashi for me, like I am already stuck not knowing how to put my picture up on there, not that it's a big deal though. It's amazing how fast these new friends networking thing develops. Or maybe I am just a little too behind? I did take an advantage of this technology thing to meet Kevin. Yes, We met on the internet. but we did this way before that movie "you've got mail" with Meg Ryan came out :)

I was using this really old Windows computer back then. I NEVER thought that I would be with the man that I meet on the internet. How would you know that this man is for real. you know? I was in a rut relationship at that time. and became friends with Kevin through a mutual friend of ours. Exchanged many emails, AIM and so forth. but I never intended to meet him in real life, but I eventually did. It was so awkward, to me at least. Funny how we talk about how we both noticed each others's flaws when we met, now that we have nothing to be ashamed of! I am sure people ask girls/guys out on a date through a blog now. That sounds more real, because in my opinion, bloggers are more trustworthy compared to someone with just a annoymous screenname, because they know you from your blog. Can't help the fact that all this technology changes, and develops with time. Nice.



TV, educational tool...??  

Chosuke Ikariya died at the age of 72 today. He was the leader of this super comedian group called The Drifters, (not to be confused as a musical group) and I used to watch their ever popular TV show called 8ji dayo, zeninshugo as a kid. Ikariya played this mean leader guy always, he eventually turned into this really cool actor, who was perfect fit for a role like a cop who had deep thoughts or deep background. Wow he's gone. Shocking.

I watched TV quite a bit tonight, which I don't get to do so often. well, hardly ever. so it was nice. I watched like "mechaike" and this show which they had all these past big stars singing natsukashi songs on stage, including Pink Lady!! My god, Pink Lady! They were so huge when I was in elementary school... mi-chan, and kei-chan, they performed this set of songs tonight including UFO and Pepper Keibu and all that.. what perfectly catchy songs.. totally made me laugh and look back into my early childhood. I had their single vinyl albums, and I think I still own the live album which was recorded at somewhere in US. That was their final sayonara live show in US before they walked off from the stage. This live album was something that I really wanted, and my favorite aunt, Tami bought for me for my birthday or something. Nobody else but only she understood my urge and passion for pop music at that time. so it was really nice of her. Everyone else wanted me to concentrate on classical music, and my piano practice and not your pop music. Who would have thought that I was this rebellious enough to instead concentrate on pop music this far, and turned it into a career. Haha. That says something about never to give up.

And I saw this 2hr TV show on Mona Lisa picture by Leonard Da Vinci, the show host was Takshi Kitano(known from Zatoichi, etc), and a few others. Man, Da Vinchi rocks!!! I was never interested in history, but the way TV shows stuff about these men in the history, is like wow this guy is cool, you know? I wish my history teacher would teach me about these people in the history by showing us more of their human side. because I am a sucker for real human with emotions, not somebody who is just said to be genious just because. The way Da Vinchi grew up, how he longed for his mother figure, how far he would go to get all that details, was amazing, because he had nothing to lose. That's when we human become so strong.. when we feel that there is nothing to lose. I wish I had known more about Da Vinci when I was standing right front of Mona Lisa drawing at Luvre museum in Paris. I have a picture my mom took of me at front of that very drawing. Gosh it was so crowded there, people told us that there are a lot of pickpockets at around Mona Lisa picture,and to be careful so my mom wanted to take a quick look and just leave, so I didn't get to stand there still and stare at the picture, even though I wanted to. Oh well... but so yeah, I guess TV can be educational sometimes, and makes you laugh and cry and all that good stuff, but I just don't get to watch TV all that much because, well.. Kevin pretty much owns the remote controler, and I don't get to watch what I want to. Oh, it was okay when he was watching sumo this afternoon, though, I am starting to like sumo, and asashoryu kicked ass today, and all that flying zabuton for a great match. Sumo is such a cute sport. He's watching basketball right now which ..I am not all that interested in at this point in my lifetime. Same as history, or people in history like Da Vinci, I have to know something about their human side, unless I am not interested. I'm just a people person.

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Orkut.com 

I joined orkut.com. Well, actually I joined without knowing it LOL. I thought that I hadn't registered when Kokinta sent me an invitation so I asked him to send me invitation back, he did, (oh he's so sweeeeet :)) but I realized that I was already a member when I touched the link and playing around with it before, doh! but ... but... I only have 1 friend so far... and well... for anyone interested, will you be my friend???????? (That just sounds so nerdy doesn't it)

Friday with my parents.  

Went to see my parents, translated 32 pages of documents called the commitment of title insurance or something like that, man I worked like mad... and then I spoke to Toshio Suzuki, a producer of Studio Ghibuli, my dad knows him well, well, a little too well whether he likes it or not, so he helped put me on the phone to discuss some stuff with him, and I had to work on providing some documents and letters for him, eek I have been pretty much looking at computer all day long. Tired. At least my parents seemed to be in better spirits today. Funny how my dad complains about my mom to me, and my mom complains about my dad to me, so I guess I played a good little role as a big ol'cushion between them. They need to vent sometimes.

I always played that role ever since I was a little kid though. Whenever they had an argument, I was stuck in the middle. My bro was never around for these kind of things, that bastard!! LOL My mom cried on my..shoulder, my shoulder is rather... tiny as I was in like.. elementary school, you know. and my dad would drive me to like a home repair shopping center (he used to love places like Home Depot) and tell me that I can buy anything so to please be on his side. LOL He tried to buy my love!!! My mom did too!! Anyway, I remember that I couldn't find anything I wanted at the Home depot type of place... and just asked him to buy a pair of yellow scissor. I was like ..damn I wish this was a sanrio shop instead... there is no sanrio stuff here!!! I took good care of thsi scissor, but I lost it sometime during the past couple of moving. oh well. Sorry dad... I am just glad that they get along and happy now though.

Oh. and last night we did watch Searching for Debra Winger. It left me with no answer, rather it left me with too many questions. like what is the thing that you'll regret that you don't have? Most of the actresses that she interviewed in the film, didn't seem to have an answer. Not even Debra Winger. We women, love our jobs, and how do we shuffle our life between work, relationship and if there is a baby, kids? Finding out who you really are, what's your priority.. is a never ending question for me. so it left me wondering about a lot of things. I got dizzy with how she filmed some of the footage though. but overalll, I think it was brave of Rosanne Arquette to admit to her feelings about her beautiful, talented little sister, I relate. It's just any industry that you are in that you love is sooo addicting, and you don't want to leave .. You go through this highs and lows of whether you are worth anything because creators in general tend to be very empathic like Jane Fonda said and also very emotional. We try so hard to appear so strong yet so fucking fragile. At least I am. Anyway, it wasn't a "one time only" film, as a matter of fact, a film that I want to watch when I am in a funk and just feel like listening to women with careers go blah blah blah. At first I was scared and hoping that it won't be an angry woman's venting movie. but I think it was more than that. but if you didn't feel that way, that's okay too, you know. But yeah.... no more 3 steps behind crap. That stuff just doesn't exist no more.. Sorry.

Bape craze. Definately the year of the monkey... 

The increase of Bape mania is crazy. This guy Jason had to close his comment section for where he wrote about going to bathing ape, because people kept leaving comments left and right and went on and on... Kevin has been a fan, and a major collector of bathing ape stuff, he's got like a sweatshirt, bag, tons of figures and stuff, there are more than one store as you know and they are all in a hard to find places, I got lost the first time I went there by myself. I can just remember Kevin's face when he first went into the store, say kids in toystore. It's just pricey though... not enough girl stuff at this point, I am sure Nigo will come up with something eventually, though. Oh yeah I do have two keychains, which is cute.

Anyway there was an article about Nigo and his whole new venture in US on msn.co.jp. news. He got his name from his nickname he got from oen of his previous job's boss, he told him he looked like Hiroshi Fujiwara so he gave him a nickname called "Hiroshi Nigo" as in number two.

Here are some translations from the interview of this article.

MSN: so you hooked up with Neptunes this time on your CD, that's awesome!

Nigo:This CD was supposed to come out in 2003 actually. Ape got started in 93, and last year marked its 10th anniversary, so I started to release some albums, but last year during Golden Week, N.E.R.D came to Japan an got to meet them, and it was all decided then and there that they will be contributing a song on my album, I knew about Pharell from the songs of course, but when I met him, we got to talking, and found out that he is actually makig a jewerly of his own brand in NY with a friend named Jerico, and Jerico was my friend, and turns out that Pharell knew me,too ..about my name, Nigo and my brand Ape.. so we really hit it off. and said let's make some kind of clothing line or something together, and so I got to make his outfit for his promo clip for Frontin'fetauring Jay-Z & Pharrell from the album he released called Clones. and I didn't feel like asking him to provide me the track for the CD any more somehow aftera ll that but...

MSN: hmm but isn't he... expencive???

Nigo: yeah that,too. As for a song, it's been said that it's like a several hundred thousand dollars per song, and heard that the waiting list is like forever.. so I was like ouch. and when we did 10th anniversary party of A Bathing Ape last year, I did make a comment to him through MTV saying hey check it out because Neptunes is going to contribute one song,too. so I couldn't break that promise.. but you know it's a major status to rap on the Neptunes track, you know. so we delayed the release day by 2 months, and included the song.

MSN: What was it like working with the big man?

Nigo: Yeah I pretty much saw him every month. and went to his house in Virginia and the studio and all, but Chad didn't really come out all that much, it's all Pharell. all done just with one keyboard. The last mixing was done in NY .. Pharell and I went to listen to the final mixed versions. and we were like fine with that, but Chad cam out of blue right there! and he said okay, I will take care of this, and we relistened to the track that he remastered, totally different. That was so inspiring. Chad is the man that totally finish up the work. Now I didn't have any doubt that both of their names were on the credit!

MSN: Wow. and you are trying to open a store in US with Jay-Z too.

Nigo: I have bene pretty much working for that since last summer, especially since I got to meet Pharell, I gave a pair of Bathing ape shoew to Jay-Z and he put me up on stage and all LOL so Pharell really opened up my world and people connection. He has been calling me like everyday, and he's like "Hey this guy wants your stuff so send some to them" but these names are like all big, like Justin Timberlake. Usher, Busta Rhymes ..when I did a front cover for Dub magazine, Jermain Dupri gave me a business opportunity and we have been a email buddies now lo; and so it's so much fun now. like the world is totally opening up for me. so everyone's like encouraging me saying you should open a store in US now, because Tokyo is kinda cool in America now. so yeah opening of a store has been a main thing for me now.

............

Wow. store in US with Jay-Z?????? Too cool.

Friday, March 19, 2004

taking metro to american embassy.  

Went to American Embassy in Akasaka today in the rain,(but apparently today it was announced that sakura is officially out, it's based on how much sakura is in bloom at Yasukuni Jinja. ) Check this out.

CIMG0566.JPG

Loooooong line. These people are in line to get in to american embassy to get visa. Most of them were phillipinos I think, because they were speaking in tagalog as far as I can tell. There are many phillipinos trying to work on base, but I don't know what's up with that line of people, that was insane. but luckily we went for a different purpose, so we did not have to stand in that line. You show your ID, and get in, and security is so tight now. It's completely different compared to when we last went in there, we could not bring a cell phone, or digital camera or anything digital. I had a moleskine notebook that's leather and kind of looks like a calculator, so once my bag went in the x-ray, the dude there was like "hey, wasn't it calculator. hey you have a calculator!" so I was like chill... and showed him that it was my notebook. Boy! but at least it's good to know that they check shit. because you never know what happens where, with all this terrorist attacks going on everywhere.

Anyway, we got what we need done, but don't you just hate paperwork, goverment document stuff... ? Kevin does it like it's just part of life, like it's no big deal. but I spend too much time worrying that if I have enough documets ready to get the paper, or whatever we need. and I just get so worn out. Once you actually do it, it's no big deal though. but I worry way far in advance, not just on what I am currently applying for. so I just need to chill... I didn't even know that greecard isn't green anymore. it's pink.

I noticed this thing today. Eidan chikatetsu subway is going to renewed as Tokyo Metro from April 1st. They want a whole new "cool" image and started working on some image change.

CIMG0567.JPG

I noticed this above on the way to American Embassy today, and thinking hmmmm? What's this with alphabet and the number? I figured that they were doing some kind of reformation and that they probably wanted to turn this into metro system like the ones in overseas, I was thinking maybe NY subway at first, but after reading Tokyo Metro's website, they say one of the things that they are trying to do is to turn this more like the "French" metro system. ahhh. Yes, this "M" logo looks familiar ... I saw this in Paris last year! and yeah, they had number, alphabet to define which line you are on. French metro was definately easy. but why? Tokyo subway is not cool? Not easy to use?

After we were done with things to do for today, we were so starved that we went to Saboten Tonkatsu place Sooooo good. and then went to Wu-lai, and tower records/books, and had dinner at Shakey's cafe, I loved this cocktail called Honoluolu which was a mix of malibu and gingerale. Yummy! I bought Kumi Koda's new CD "Feel my mind" and she emailed me just when I did it, Strange! and I got Kevin a CD by Thee Michelle Gun Elephant, their last album. It rocks! We used to make fun of their band name, but when they came out with this song called Smoking Billie, Kev got hooked on it, and he doesn't get hooked on many J-pop or J-rock. He apparently likes this song called "Girlfriend" too. and I bought "Searching for Debra Winger" DVD which I wanted to go see at the theater but missed, and Kev tried to make me stop buying it because he thought it was going to suck and just be like one time only craptacular movie. I bought it anyway. So we are going to watch it now, and see if he really was right. ...


Thursday, March 18, 2004

Fear  

I saw Ishino Takkyu today at the studio. He is always on the road and it's really rare to see him in Tokyo, he's one of the most succesful Japanese guys that we can really be proud of :) He kicks ass~!

Interviewed this journalist guy who is an expert of crows, 6 crows are already dead because they caught bird-flu. In order to stop the wide spread of bird flu, now the goverment is trying to do something about it, catch them and see if they have been infected, how they got it and such, but to catch crows is one heck of a job as you know, so we asked him about basic FAQ type of things about crows. Crows are smart, and you basically have to provide them with different trap every single day because they will find out that it's fake within an hour or sometimes the trap might last a week, but they are smart that they know how to open the bagpack of little kids, untie the knot, open the obento, and chose what to eat from the bento, like.. the sausage. Crows know who is scared of them, they can read the fear in people so they can find an easy target to attack. Anyway we found out that they are way smarter than what we think and the media put such a bad image for crows, but that they are so much like us human being, and fun living creatures just like us. His explanation was fun and informative..and he was just so funny. His name is Hiroshi Sasaki, but he's done media interview so many times in the past so he was used to it, too. One thing that was funny though, was that he calls himself "pro naturalist". At least it wasn't naturist, but I wonder if it ever occurs to him that the slight difference can make a big difference! LOL

We also asked our listeners about what they think about how this university rejected Sanjo, a daughter of Chizuo Matsumoto, aka Asahara Shouko of AUM Shinrikyo, from entering their university. Apparently this university officials say that they weren't aware that it was her when she applied, and took the test and everything. and she passed the test, and now they found out that it was her, and the school didn't want a daughter of cult religious leader who killed, and harmed so many people in their school. More people were saying the school is wrong for declining her after they let her pass the test, that they should have rejected her if this was the case before she took the test, some, especially who are in school, or its parents were like, they don't want to sit next to the table where she is sitting. and they don't want to go to school in fear, well that's understandable to some degree.. but it's rather diffucult, and must have been a hard decision to make for the university people, too.
I was scared to death about AUM and I was in total fear everyday. I was right in the city, and the media reported that they might put sarin into the water tank or something and that all our tap water is going to be poisoned. I think that's when I ran to the convenient store and stocked up on bottled water. To take shower, to wash my face, to drink... it made me realize how we take advantage of water everyday, and how much of it that we use. Now I think about it, that's probably when I started "buying" water.


Wednesday, March 17, 2004

donation for what? 

I just kind of took it easy all day today, the feeling of emptiness was hitting me harder today, so I just cuddled up in bed with my safety blanket and chilled. and it was time to go to work, so I took a train to work for the first time, never taken a train to Roppongi Hills... it wasn't so bad, it's just too many stairs on Oedo line..

On tonight's show, we talked about the donation money that parents of the children is investing. Recently, the Waseda elementary school representative was blamed for asking directly to the parents of a child, if they can pay 3,500,000 yen during the interview. which they were not supposed to do. so the principal resigned or something, but apparently donation is openly accepted by these private school from parents who offer the money, of course it can be taken into consideration as to who to pick from the entrance examination. One token, is supposed to be 500,000 yen, and apparently it's no surprice for school like Waseda to receive 5-10 million yen from these kids's parents just so that their life is secured, they can go to Waseda elementary school-junior high-high school-university by this what we call "escaltor system".

But here's a question I have.. if it costs so much just to enter these private school on top of tuition. What would happen to the talent or the ability of rather genious kids who are financially challenged, yet who have so much potential? Isn't that a waste of talent? Isn't that unfair? Rich will stay rich, rich families will keep going to good school for generation to generation because of this "donation" and give less chance to kids who just can't afford Loius Vuitton.

And. for parents to put their kids into private school from elementary school, and keep them secured, leaves me with questions. because it's more about their security rather than kids. I went to private school from junior high all the way to college too, but see kids don't know what they want to do until that righ timing comes. I didn't know until I joined this private school that piano wasn't something that I wanted to do as a profession... but it was too late to convince my parents because they had their own idea for me going on. For some kids, I am sure it works but it didn't work for me. and the whole idea with this ...asking parents of the kids who are applying for school for donation money, is soo wrong, it's like bribery, isn't it? I don't literally buy into this...

After the show,I went to the nail salon and finally got my nails fixed. God feels much better, my nail artist didn't have much time so I didn't get nail art done, but she put glitter stuff on my nails and they look pretty enough. We spend about good 2 hrs at least, (I think I was there for 3 hrs) to get the nails done so we talk a lot. About simple happiness, money and career, business, relationship. It was fun. She will be changing the salon and won't be doing it all by herself any more, but she said she could come to my place and do my nails. That's even better! She lives in Ogikubo, so that's just perfect :)

I got an email from Mikuriya saying that Aiko Kayo's manager wanted an approval from me to use the picture of me and her that we took at the studio yesterday to upload on her website, as she really enjoyed the interview done by me or something, that beauty and the beast picture goes up on her site.. LOL. I am sure her otaku fans want to cut the picture in half and put their face on mine!! Oh, and which by the way, I uploaded some pictures on kesavinchi photo album today. Also her wedding in Okinawa is on June 13. We've gotta book plane tickets and hotels!

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

The last show 

Well, where do I begin? Club Beat Freak's last recording and the interview is OVER. We didn't make any comment about the show being the last one until the ending of the show. I just made a very brief comment, because as far as the staffs, we know we did our very best for this past decade, and shared so much together. No need to make it all sappy.

I took a train to the studio which is pretty rare of me, because I usually take a cab, but it was a nice day, and I wanted to take a train. I need to save money too. When I got to the studio, my producer Yuko already had a camcorder set up to record our last show. She's supposed to make a copy of the video and give it to all of us, so we have something to remember about our typical day of club beat freak's recording. I got to see a little bit of it after the recording, but it was hilarious. I have never seen myself from the other side of the studio and how I conduct the interview with the artists. It was really interesting to look at each one of us in a habitual manner, also I was surpriced to see how much laughter was there during work. like..gosh I was looking at it and thinking wow. we were having so much fun! This whole involvement with avex group and the show that continued for over a decade is an experience that money can't buy. I learned so much from being a part of this show. I learned how to connect with people, how to read people, how to put yourself in somebody else's shoes, how to carry on a conversation smoothly which helps me with overall connection with people, how to select words, how to observe the situation as to what's imporatant and what's not, how to "edit" yourself meaning not think so much of what other people may think of you, but rather just concentrate on doing something for somebody ... the list goes on and on.

Originally Mr Mizukusa, who was one of the founders of avex group invited me on board to become a DJ for this show, he is no longer with the company and on his own, but back then, the deal was that I would go in to to the recording twice a month. The first interview was with TRF. I was young, and they were the hottest thing in the music market back then, (early 90's) so I was nervous, the first gaijin artist on the show, I think it was Earth, Wind & Fire. I remember how they were talking about how hard it is to find beautiful girls with nice toenails. They looked at mine because it was a summertime, and I got their approval LOL. I interviewed countless artists... I feel like I have seen it all. The debut of Ayumi Hasamaki, she came to the studio when she was nobody, and writing lyrics on the back of the paper we gave them, Namie Amuro, V6, Hitomi, oh I did 2 hr interview with her too and she kept going on and on about being positive and negative. There were many artists that sorta came and gone. .. just so many that I just don't remember all of them. We used to interview more gaijin groups and artists. I got to interview John Taylor twice in this show. My youth was spent during the 80's so I mean... come on. Duran Duran was like the hottest thing! so I was happy to see him although I had met him before for the other show so this was 2nd and 3rd... he keeps getting older, and talking about having to get some pokemon games for his kids. That's when I was like. oh no. I must be getting old, too.... Interviewed Pete Burns from Dead Or Alive, too, I enjoyed meeting him and doing an hour interview and shared how he came down with panic disorder, and I shared my story too and we really hit it off, I hope he's better now, because although he said he was doing fine, I wasn't so sure. I also got to interview Maxim from Prodigy along with DJ Koo in London. It was some kind of experience. This show brought me to London twice, first time my producer Yuko and I were there for like almost 2 weeks, and did soooooo many interviews. Elisha La'verne.. at least 10 interviews during those 2 weeks. I would have never gone to London if it wasn't for this show. so that was a GREAT experience. We went to like ministry of sound, covent garden for shopping for fun, and dined out at hip cafes and restaurants, I loved it there. 2nd time to London was to meet Maxim from Prodigy. We stayed at the cozy little place called My hotel. I still have the cool little keychain for the room key that I took from that hotel there! (Sorry, I will return it if I ever make it back there! but I liked it too much, it is this silver keychain that said "my hotel" and I use that as my keychain to my apt now ) .

We also went to countless outdoor events or club events to cover that on our show. We also did our own events, went to the backstage of Ayumi Hamasaki show to do the documentary. We sure did a LOT...

and 4 yrs ago. the style of the show was renewed, so it became more time consuming and much harder, looooong meeting, and bringing in your own ideas, there were some tough times. 4 yrs ago was the olympic. and as we were watching the football match on TV, we made a jingle using Kevin at Heigo's house. It was his first time to do the narration so he was flipping out, but he did his best, and we used that very jingle until today's last show :)

There are things that only we, the staff will only remember, and will never leave outside of our meeting room, or the studio, but that's okay. That's just how it is. There were like family to me, although they weren't exactly a family because they won't be there for you unconditionally like your own parents. My director, Mr.Matsuura, and his family and Heigo Tani from Co-fusion who made non-stop mix on the show, came to our wedding in Hawaii too. Yuko couldn't make it because of work obligation, but we just shared so much together, this part of my life, being involved with the show directly sponsored by the record label... will never be forgotten.

I didn't have much time to feel all sad or anything though. We interviewed Yasu from Janne Darc and we told him how this was our last show and he was flipping out because he thought this show was going to go on forever until avex exists, just like all of us thought, but as usual. we had a blast. we took an hour break, and interviewed this bright new hope. Aiko Kayo. We all think that she will take over the spot of Ayaya. She's this typical always-happy and genki idol girl, but smart, and really cute. She's 18, and like it just cracked me up the whole time because she was just too happy and too cute. She's no Hilary Duff, She's no Britney, She's like 21st century version of Seko Matsuda. and she looks like her too. If the timing is right, I think she is going to be big, because she's way cuter in person. I took a picture of me with her, and like....is this beauty and the beast? I just laughed at myself looking at this picture. (I will upload the pic with her along with my pic with Yasu too)

So overall, the last recording went fine. We had fun like we always did, most of the time anyway. Just felt empty. knowing that I won't be going to matrix studio any more from next week, I might still go to avex office once in a while to help Kumi Koda, with her upcoming Cutey Honey English single, I am supposed to coach her with her English and all, so maybe. but still, I will miss working with them and seeing them every week. They might put the show back on under a different title with different concept but the show is taking a break now. at least for 6 months for now. maybe a year, who knows. Nothing is guranteed, but I am sure they will re-start something in the future.

But more than likely I won't be in Tokyo by that time. I still haven't been able to tell them about my relocation. Just because... I miss them too much, and I am still uncertain of my feelings, like I still want to be involved with the future show. but the way I feel is that, I probably should walk away. Sometimes you just need to produce new people, and new style. Good things necessarily last forever, and if you don't let younger people take over whatever that we are doing, the music market or radio industry, something that's supposed to be "hip" will remain old.

I took a cab to Roppongi Hills, feeling empty but yet half of it is satisfaction of my accomplishment, looking around the city from the window of taxi, and thinking... I think I am done with this city. I will cherish each and everyday remaining on J-wave, woulnd't that be so nice to enjoy each day like it's your last? Even when some crazy shit happens, I wouldn't have to worry as much as before because I am about to embark on leading a new life, and not be completely stuck trying to hang on to things. and that's what I needed for myself, time to enjoy myself at work for just a while, because for the past 15 yrs or so, (because I started this career when I was 18, and still in school so ) I always worried about whether the show continues or not every spring and fall. That's the programming changing season, I was always freelance so there was nobody out there who would rescue me. I always had to manage myself, then again I didn't want to get a manager to mange my time, because being free, having my own time and not having anybody control my time or my life whatsoever, was so important to me. but in return, the headache was much bigger, but I dealt with it.

Somebody made a smartass comment before. asking if I ever worked in the company as a full time employee before and I said no because I refuse, and he looked at me and made it sound like that I don't know anything about the world. Do you think I care whether I know about what bosses think? Fuck no. I'm my own boss, and regardless of what I will be doing, I think I'll always be my own boss. and quite honestly, I think I can work within the company just fine. and do what people tell me to do and work my ass off. but that doesn't sound so interesting to me... being creativem,helping someone, leaving something to somebody, changing public opinion, etc ... are what interests me. I worked at ECC Lauguage school in College just to see if I like being an employee, I was semi-full time, had benefits and stuff, but shit, that work sucked and boring or what!!! I chose my life, and I am quite happy with the decisions I have made so far.

I was feeling sooo empty though, I must admit it. Next week they are throwing sayonara party. but still, today ended like just another week, and to think that was the last show. wow. overwhelming. I went straight to J-wave and had an interview with Akemi Masuda, regarding how Naoko Takahashi didn't make it to the 3 runners who will be running at Athen Olympics. I just wanted to come home, and just.... whatever.

I called the nail salon too to see if I can get that done tonight but it was closed today, so that was also a message from god saying hurry home, and just chill. Maybe I can go tomorrow and get my nails fixed. I just wanted somebody to talk to, but being that the nail salon is where I got introduced by my J-wave producer, I can't tell her everything either, god isn't life evil?

So I think I will just crawl up in bed and read books and rest easy tonight. This whole feeling of loss, emptiness, just might hit me hard a little later, but I will deal with it. Just have to meditate, status vs spiritual happiness. I have to find my answer.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

CBF 

Went to Niwa-no-yu spa today, and did akasuri(dead skin scrub), 60 min shiatsu massage, 40 minute reflexology, sauna(herbal mist and finnish sauna) and just chilling in the bath.. ahhhh I needed this!!! I read and heard that when you have a lot of stress, you need to sweat it off from your pores or something, "ki"-wise. I would like a little jaccuzi like in the backyard of a house in Hawaii! Kev was looking at the web and there are available from pretty reasonable price! mmmm, tempting..

Now, we all have to appreciate what we've got while we can. Tomorrow is the last day recording of CBF. I have done this show for a decade now. Who would have thought that this show will go off the air. but Avex decided to pull out of its sponsor and pay this huge fee to FM Osaka. They might re-start under a different name again, but they have done the enough market research and know that people who are buying CD's, that generation of people aren't even listening to radio any more, they listen to stuff on the web. 60% of the households in Japan have broadband now, (or was it 40%, correct me if I am wrong). so the career as a radio DJ itself, I am sure that it will remain so as the radio stations , but I am not so sure of the future of the whole radio industry. So moving to Hawaii and re-starting my own life sounds just about right right now. Being in this industry for more than 15 yrs, I have experienced the time of bubble economy, things were good back then. but with Japan being in recession for long as I can recall, this whole thing is not as fancy as you think. We now work longer hours, and long meetings, just loong labor overall with much less cash we earn even compared to way back when duirng the bubble. Anyway, CBF's come to end with so many reasons, and I have two interviews to do tomorrow, and also have to figure out what to say on the show to announce it's ending. So many devoted fans are out there, and I'd be lying if I don't feel any pressure figuring out what to say.
J-wave show is still on and I am still a "radio DJ" here in Tokyo, but I feel like ..deadman walking ..because I haven't got much time left before my relocation. As much as I whined about the job while I was doing it, now I look back, I should have appreciated each and everyday. I should have perhaps taken pictures with the artists that I interviewed, I wish blog was available back then so I could remember what I felt.. at least for the next 6 months at least, I get to enjoy each and everyday and the people that I interview. ...

Is this a part of midlife crisis? What's a midlife crisis anyway?

Friday Five 

Some of you may already know about this site called Friday Five Org. 5 questions which aren't that thought provocative that they give out on friday's. Maybe I will start doing this.

finished! 

After all, I finished it!! Yay! All the parts(at least 20 pages of report documents) that I thought my dad would want to read for details. I just absolutely HATE doing things at the last minute. I can sleep knowing that I finished what I have to do, but I can NEVER sleep with things to do on my list... I kind of finished my summer homework early too so I can have a blast, because I coulnd't enjoy myself knowing I had shit to do. I don't know what's better, I hate working, and being around people who do important shit at such a last minute and just sit on it though. I REALLY hate it. I am like what a nerve?! but are humans at better ease with a nerve like this? They don't seem to fucking care. and they seem happy. grrrr!

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Doing the translation all day 

I am proud of myself for falling asleep at decent hour, and waking up at decent hour recently, thanks to the jetlag. It seems to be worst between Japan and Hawaii and that short trip out there seemed to get rid of my imsonia. It might be temporarily but it feels so good to feel "sleepy". and I love waking up and opening a curtain, and feel the sunshine coming into the room.

I was working on the translation of 6 pages report from Structioal Solition for the house in Hawaii, I also got this 38 pages of house inspection report, I finished the first 6 pages but there are still lots to be done... but I'd rather not skip this part, because eventually my dad might wonder why certain things occur in the house and if it was something that he was not informed in details, that's not going to be good as he is very careful about details. so I must do this. By the time I finished the translation up til so far of what I have done, it was like 8pm so we went to moyan curryhouse in Shinjuku for dinner. I called Mizuki to see if she might want to join, because she lives in that neighborhood, and she came to see us there on the bike. We had some beers and cocktails and LOTs of food. Oh so good food. We just talked stories to catch up on what's going on, and it was really good to see her :) Good food and good friends, how perfect :)

I am so tired and I am dying to go get the spa treatment... I want to continue working on the translation of the house inspection report but I am a little tipsy and sleeeeeeepy...and the bed is calling me...

Try( by Margaret Cho)  

Try to have a good day today, wherever you are, whatever you do, whoever is near, if no one is near. Try to be happy, because you may not see tomorrow. There is someone this morning, who didn't wake up, who will never see this day. Try to feel lucky that this is not you.

There is someone who is in a jail cell, has been for many years, who never committed a crime, who is being punished for something s/he did not do, would not ever do in her/his wildest, most barren and feverish nightmares, who cannot see the sky, will not hope to see the sky, for to hope for this is too sad to think about. The sky is too much to ask for, and may possibly be until the end of her/his life.

Try to be kind, because there is such a lack of kindness everywhere, and if you could generate just a little, it would mean everything to someone else. You may never know how much it would help, because we cannot measure the amount of joy we give one another. Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever. You never know, which is both beautiful and maddening.

Try to understand, that someone today is waking up, and realizing he is married to a man, and he is reeling in disbelief, because he is a man, and he and this man are in love, possibly in a way you never have been but someday wish to be, just like in the movies, where love is solid and sure, without questions or doubts, just there, hanging in the air, like love is supposed to be, and he is looking at his husband, fast asleep next to him, and he is afraid to make a sound or move, because he is so happy and he will not shatter this perfect moment for all the world.

Try to feel good, because there is someone who does not feel good, has not for some time, who knows that the days of not feeling well are numbered as the pain mounts. The frailty of the body is unavoidable. If you have the good fortune to have strength, to get out of bed, to walk, to eat, to laugh, to kiss someone else uninvited yet nonetheless welcome, then you should take what you have been given, even though you might not realize it is a fantastic gift.

Try to be grateful, because someone else just reached for someone they loved this morning, only to be reminded, that they are no longer there. Just a cold space between the blankets and sheets remain, and the habit of reaching out for them has become a terrible one, like putting your hand in a fire, but a million times worse, because the depth of the pain not only hurts in its shock and immediacy, it reminds them of what they have lost, and will not ever have again in the same way. Those interrupted dreams, when they are forgetful of the present, still sleeping in the past, because sometimes it takes dream time a long time to catch up to real time, are a terrible thing to reckon with, and if you do not have to wake up to that today, count your blessings.

Try to put your happiness before anyone else's, because you may never have done so in your entire life, if you really think about it, if you are really honest with yourself. If you are not selfish, at least a little, if you do not put your own desires first, take your wishes and put them on the top of your list, can you really live at all? How can you know who you are if you never allow yourself to want and have what you want and do not allow yourself to have? How can you know anyone else? How can you make anyone else happy? You will only placate them until you are finished with the days, the dawns, the dusks, the sky, the moon. Don't you then deprive them of the experience of you? Don't you then deprive all the world of you, your glory and magnificence? Show yourself. We need to see you. You need to see you.

Try to love someone who you want to hate, because they are just like you, somewhere inside, in a way you may never expect, in a way that resounds so deeply within you that you cannot believe it. This communion, is the true lovely sweetness of the nature of humanity, that really, when we remove all the artifice, the posturing, the reactions, the politics, the assumptions, the rage, the grudge, the hypocrisy, the prejudice, the lies, we are all the same, like chocolates in a heart shaped box, soft in the center.

Try. Just today, for yourself, for everyone. Today, this is all I have to give. Can you try for me in return? Most importantly, try not to forward this shit to anyone. I am just kidding.

Try( by Margaret Cho)  

Try to have a good day today, wherever you are, whatever you do, whoever is near, if no one is near. Try to be happy, because you may not see tomorrow. There is someone this morning, who didn't wake up, who will never see this day. Try to feel lucky that this is not you.

There is someone who is in a jail cell, has been for many years, who never committed a crime, who is being punished for something s/he did not do, would not ever do in her/his wildest, most barren and feverish nightmares, who cannot see the sky, will not hope to see the sky, for to hope for this is too sad to think about. The sky is too much to ask for, and may possibly be until the end of her/his life.

Try to be kind, because there is such a lack of kindness everywhere, and if you could generate just a little, it would mean everything to someone else. You may never know how much it would help, because we cannot measure the amount of joy we give one another. Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever. You never know, which is both beautiful and maddening.

Try to understand, that someone today is waking up, and realizing he is married to a man, and he is reeling in disbelief, because he is a man, and he and this man are in love, possibly in a way you never have been but someday wish to be, just like in the movies, where love is solid and sure, without questions or doubts, just there, hanging in the air, like love is supposed to be, and he is looking at his husband, fast asleep next to him, and he is afraid to make a sound or move, because he is so happy and he will not shatter this perfect moment for all the world.

Try to feel good, because there is someone who does not feel good, has not for some time, who knows that the days of not feeling well are numbered as the pain mounts. The frailty of the body is unavoidable. If you have the good fortune to have strength, to get out of bed, to walk, to eat, to laugh, to kiss someone else uninvited yet nonetheless welcome, then you should take what you have been given, even though you might not realize it is a fantastic gift.

Try to be grateful, because someone else just reached for someone they loved this morning, only to be reminded, that they are no longer there. Just a cold space between the blankets and sheets remain, and the habit of reaching out for them has become a terrible one, like putting your hand in a fire, but a million times worse, because the depth of the pain not only hurts in its shock and immediacy, it reminds them of what they have lost, and will not ever have again in the same way. Those interrupted dreams, when they are forgetful of the present, still sleeping in the past, because sometimes it takes dream time a long time to catch up to real time, are a terrible thing to reckon with, and if you do not have to wake up to that today, count your blessings.

Try to put your happiness before anyone else's, because you may never have done so in your entire life, if you really think about it, if you are really honest with yourself. If you are not selfish, at least a little, if you do not put your own desires first, take your wishes and put them on the top of your list, can you really live at all? How can you know who you are if you never allow yourself to want and have what you want and do not allow yourself to have? How can you know anyone else? How can you make anyone else happy? You will only placate them until you are finished with the days, the dawns, the dusks, the sky, the moon. Don't you then deprive them of the experience of you? Don't you then deprive all the world of you, your glory and magnificence? Show yourself. We need to see you. You need to see you.

Try to love someone who you want to hate, because they are just like you, somewhere inside, in a way you may never expect, in a way that resounds so deeply within you that you cannot believe it. This communion, is the true lovely sweetness of the nature of humanity, that really, when we remove all the artifice, the posturing, the reactions, the politics, the assumptions, the rage, the grudge, the hypocrisy, the prejudice, the lies, we are all the same, like chocolates in a heart shaped box, soft in the center.

Try. Just today, for yourself, for everyone. Today, this is all I have to give. Can you try for me in return? Most importantly, try not to forward this shit to anyone. I am just kidding.

Friday, March 12, 2004

Doing my tax return 

Home inspection is about to start as my dad signed the contract today. We apparently have 2 Palm trees on the lot, and it costs 125 dollars to trim two trees. Yikes. I'll just make Kev climb up there and chop it off, oh he was scared of heights, doh. I love palm trees. I fell love with palm trees in California when I first went there, I was like can I bring that home with me? and they were like. oh maybe you can plant the seeds, you want me to get the seeds for you? but I was like...hmmm thanks but not in Japan. In that sense, to have a palm tree on the lot, that's like a total dream come true for me.

Went to do the tax return finally. As I had everything all written out on the form, all I had to do was just to turn it in. Why pay tax? We should get as much as we can back because they use our money for whatever they feel like using, including personal stuff. My dad even said the same when he asked me if I was able to finish my tax. and he was working for the city so that's funny. ..it seems like dad is doing better these days. While he was in Hawaii, I didn't thin so, but when he has problems to face, that's when he does best. That's how he always lived his life and maintained his career so his "ki" was down when he quit in June, so it's good now that he has things he has to do, and concentrate on, That's more like my dad anyway :)

I uploaded some new pictures on kesavinchi photoalbum, nothing special though, some pictures of Ann's kids and a shot of kana sensei but she looked away so I couldn't really take a good shot of her, it is a picture of her going noooo! Oh, and also I was finally able to figure out how to upload a picture on my post... it's rather embarassing how it took so long but just didn't have time to play around with this for a while.

I bought some inks for the printers for my parents at Bigcamera, and they had these killer massage chairs that they have at spa. It was like 3500 bucks but god I want it! Soooo good, I was almost falling asleep on that thing!! That would be awesome to have that at home in Hawaii, but how do we ship it? oh, maybe we could ship through the military? From Yokota to american address? hmm. I don't know...

Today was rather cold compared to the last few days, but I think spring is almost there. I can't wait for sakura!!! Ohanami~~~~!!


Doing my tax return 

Home inspection is about to start as my dad signed the contract today. We apparently have 2Palm trees on the lot, and it costs 125 dollars to trim two trees. Yikes. I'll just make Kev climb up there and chop it off, oh he was scared of heights, doh. I love palm trees. I fell love with palm trees in California when I first went there, I was like can I bring that home with me? and they were like. oh maybe you can plant the seeds, you want me to get the seeds for you? but I was like...hmmm thanks but not in Japan. In that sense, to have a palm tree on the lot, that's like a total dream come true for me.

Went to do the tax return finally. As I had everything all written out on the form, all I had to do was just to turn it in. Why pay tax? We should get as much as we can back because they use our money for whatever they feel like using, including personal stuff. My dad even said the same when he asked me if I was able to finish my tax. and he was working for the city so that's funny. ..it seems like dad is doing better these days. While he was in Hawaii, I didn't thin so, but when he has problems to face, that's when he does best. That's how he always lived his life and maintained his career so his "ki" was down when he quit in June, so it's good now that he has things he has to do, and concentrate on, That's more like my dad anyway :)

I uploaded some new pictures on kesavinchi photoalbum, nothing special though, some pictures of Ann's kids and a shot of kana sensei but she looked away so I couldn't really take a good shot of her, it is a picture of her going noooo! Oh, and also I was finally able to figure out how to upload a picture on my post... it's rather embarassing how it took so long but just didn't have time to play around with this for a while.

I bought some inks for the printers for my parents at Bigcamera, and they had these killer massage chairs that they have at spa. It was like 3500 bucks but god I want it! Soooo good, I was almost falling asleep on that thing!! That would be awesome to have that at home in Hawaii, but how do we ship it? oh, maybe we could ship through the military? From Yokota to american address? hmm. I don't know...

Today was rather cold compared to the last few days, but I think spring is almost there. I can't wait for sakura!!! Ohanami~~~~!!


Breaking news 

Tragedy occured in Spain. My heart goes out to the lost souls, and hope that the city will be back to normal as soon as humanly possible. With all my sympathy- to the country I love yet never visited, Spain.

Every Little Thing 

Another warm day, according to the news, sakura will blossom before March 20th, like sometime next week. We didn't get to go and do hanami last year so this year we have to! I love sakura, the season when everything around you is all pink, and so pretty :)

Went to the studio to do the interview and some recordings. The interview was with Every Little Thing. Their new album called Common place came out yesterday. The last time I interviewed ELT, Kaori wasn't doing so well spirtually, so I was hoping to make the best of it today. It went well. I explained that this show is ending and that this will be my last time doing the interview to them on this show. Kaori looked so sad. After the interview they didn't want to leave, so we talked for a while. She said she still remembers how I encouraged her about her singing when she was starting out as ELT, and how that meant so much to her, she has this big eyes that just stare into you, she's really cute, I have done countless interview with ELT in the past, but since this was the last on CBF, I took pictures with them. I normally don't take pictures that much with the guests, although if I did, that would have been a major keepsake! It would have been cool, but I feel that I have to separate work and play, so... I will upload pictures with them soon, somehow they took mpeg of it too but I don't know how I can upload mpeg on here. I am sure there is a way.. oh well. They have come a long way too along with the show. They have been around for 7-8 yrs now, and I remember interviewing them for the first time when they just made a debut. (which of course means that the show has been around much much longer than that! ) Kaori was different back then, she was trying to talk a lot but then I knew that she wasn't all that comfortable with herself. but she is more relaxed with herself now and I think she is doing great. I hope that she continues to do what she does best, and bring her fans much joy. ELT is such nice peeps. both Kaori-chan and Ito-san.

After the recording and the interview, we did the meeting, next week it will be a double interview, with Yasu from Janne Darc, and this girl named Aiko Kayo who is said to be the next Ayumi Hamasaki, Ai Otsuka apparently isn't the one. They are investing so much for this Aiko girl. She reminds me of Seiko Matsuda, she has a cult following among anime fans in Japan, she is a total idol who kinda gives me creeps. but Ayaya is kinda over the hill too, so if she makes it big and takes over the market, that will be cool for avex, I suppose. After the meeting and the editing of the ELT interview all done on Mac, we went to grab a bite to eat. Today was the last meeting of CBF. If you think about it, it's like wow, we've come a long way. I will miss meeting with them regularly, we talked about all so personal stuff, stupid stuff I was debating whether I should tell them about relocation to Hawaii but I decided to wait on it until I am completely finished with the show. It's no biggie to tell them anyway and you know they will be happy for me. They are like family to me. and my producer, Yuko was like a big sister to me who taught me so many things. So no rush as far as telling them about it. She is getting married in June in Okinawa so she gave me this tour pamphlet and told me to come out for the ceremony and party with Kevin. That would be such a blast!! (Maybe I will tell her then about Hawaii. )

My nail needs some fixing but I keep missing the opportunity to go. I really wanto get my nail done, but I have to turn in my tax return paper, which I am planning to do tomorrow, and then stop by at parent's house, prolly for some lecture. eek.


Thursday, March 11, 2004

Trust  

Went to see Lord of the rings in Shinjuku, since Kevin was dying to see that film. The set of popcorn and the drink was 500 yen which came with a free hankie with Lord of the rings picture printed on it. so now we have two free hankie :) It was a promo goods to wipe away your tears because the movie was sad, but it didn't hit me so sad as I was already sad as hell with personal crisis which gotten really bad today, so when I got to the theatre and I was crying like crazy already in the middle of Shinjuku which I didn't care, it's just like, in a big city like this, who's gonna care? Kev asked if I still wanted to go see the film because I was a complete wreck but I didn't want to make him wait any longer since he was looking forward to seeing it. It was a loong movie so I had my eyes closed for most of the time thinking about my own crisis. but the movie had some same issues that I am facing, like people's greed, the whole trust issue, being loyal, friendship... which I felt some sympathy. It was too long of a movie though but still I heard people crying in the audience especially toward the end. I didn't watch the whole thing but understood the story.

Went straight to the doctor, as I needed some refills of meds. I need to try to get off the medicines soon, but with so much going on right now, it's so hard. I think I will start trying though, in a few months like after the closing of the house is finished and when things should be a bit better, (hopefully) and with less work, maybe I can concentrate about my own health a little more. I was a complete wreck when I got to Dr Saegusa's office, I think he noticed that right away and he let me talk for a while until the words came out. I told him about the headaches that I have had for almost a month now which I can't get rid of, about the house, about my sister in law, my parents, moving, work, quite a bit to fill him in. He listened to me while I spoke, and then he said, " but you are going to be living in Hawaii, that's a paradise, that's something you should be happy about and you have a headache?" and started laughing. I love it when he smiles. He looks like this hermit who would climb the highest montains as a hobby, somebody who is living happily in the Himalayas. He always had right words to say, simple but the words I need. He said things are movng fast for me, but not many people have courage to leave things behind, so that my parents, or for me to take on that offer, that's a brave decision for a girl with anxiety disorder. He also told me not to worry about things too far ahead about insurance and medicines and all that stuff, and worry about "now".

I went to work, all worried about what my chief scriptwriter would say about my move which I confessed him by email last night. I didn't hear back from him so I was really worried. Anyhow, had to do the show first, and we had a guest in the studio who we had on the phone last week, the same guy, Mr.Tsuchimoto, so much false incidents occur among the police officers these days in Japan so we asked him about police, the main problem with them, how to become one, why do these things happen. Mr.Tsuchimoto is someone who people admire by calling him sensei, so I knew that I had to treat him with my atmost respect. He totally reminded of my grandpa. (my dad's dad). Someone who would commit to commendments and never choose to make mistakes.

My grandpa, who died fairly young at the age of 66, was a cop. He even was awarded with some kind of accomplishment( so awful that I don't know!) and the emperor Hirohito celebrated him at the palace. There is a picture of it at my parents house still. I remember thinking as a kid, how he didn't have to go to the war because he was a cop surpriced me, I was told that because he was a cop and had civil duty to stay and watch the people, he didn't have to go. My mom's dad died in the WW1, in New Caledonia, whom she never even got to see one single time because he got my obaachan pregnant and went to war, and never made home, so my mom does not know her father. So she does not have a father figure. Anyway, I remember thinking how nervous I was around my grandpa as a kid, because he had this strict aura which was too much for me at that time, plus he never spoke to me much. He basically told me that girls are worthless. so I was. My brother got all the attention from him and
was adored and loved like crazy by my grandpa, because he was the one who was going to continue this "uchida" family tree. not me. because I am a girl. I remeber small details too like when he went shopping for feather futon, he brought all of us along, and bought this really expencive futon for my brother, and was ready to leave. so I think it was either my mom or my grandma who said what about Sacchan, and he got me this real cheap futon. I still remember that very scene very vividly.

Although I loved him, I don't think he did the same because I was a girl. a dumb little loud crazy girl. I cried when my mom called to let me know that he passed away, it's still sick even still to this day but when I heard it, I cried partly because I would miss him, but also partly because I don't have to be compared to my lucky brother any more. I didn't have a choice to be born as a girl. I made origami cranes, to put in his coffin, because even though he was dead already, I wanted to show him that I cared and loved him, I made sure I made most of it by myself, my brother didn't help me as much. but like how would he know that now that he was dead already huh but I didn't care. I wanted to do it for myself. I was in 4th grade or something back then.

I always thought that he just hated me. During the course of many counseling session I have gone, I talked about him quite a bit, blamed him, expressed my anger. til the point when I did enough and no longer had to do it any more. I just wanted to be on the same page with him one day, I wanted him to give me some respect. So I did all my best with Mr.Tsuchimoto as much as I can, he really enjoyed being on the show, and he agreed on many things I said, which was almost like my own grandpa going " yes, you are right" which I never got to hear from him for the life of me. so that part went okay.

We asked our listeners about what they think about releasing the "Sakakibara" murderer and not releasing any residential info about him to the family of the victims. It was a mixed answer. He was 14 when he did it, and he was locked up for 7 yrs, and now he is out. 7 yrs is rather long time for a juvenile crime in Japan. Anyway, my wednesday partner navigator got carried away and made a comment which wasn't appropriate. We had about 1 minute left and we could have recovered somehow, but we were all confused as he said that at such last minute. Basically about discriminative treatment that he should have never brought up. If you were the very victim, that's okay. but it couldn't have come out of his mouth. So we went over what he said, he left early, but decided what to do to prevent this from happening in the future.

After all that was done, and feeling all exhausted, my chief scriptwriter finally got back to me about my confession email. I am glad that I did this now because he gave me the words of comfort, 2nd one today. (1st was from my doctor) He just casually said, " Well. thanks for the list..and oh about that other email, I don't know what you would expect from me, but honestly I am envious of you!" and started laughing. So I was like huh? It's all serious to me! and he said, " this is the opportunity that you will never have unless you go this time, I know of poeple who did the same, they find out about each other like they never expected and most of the people I know, good things happen after all the hassle and headache about purchasing the house or all the legal bullshit. More serious and heavy the things are, less serious you should face these things, you will never waste this opportunity of a lifetime. Plus you can always come back after 2-3 yrs if you don't like it there, you know? I know a bunch of people who live there, as a way I see it, Hawaii is not a place to visit, but to live, in order to get something out of it. As you know, I am not interested in tourisity aspects of Hawaii, do I look like I want to know about King Kamehameme? lol. but I am interested in the lifestyle of Hawaii. That's something I was thinking about doing after I am done with my career, so wow lucky you!!" This isn't something I expected to hear from him. I thought he would make a big deal about leaving the show and such, but no he was happy for me. He said stop thinking negative thoughts, things will be alright and he can hook me up with community of people who live there that he knows of. who works in the media, I told him to come visit once I move there then, and he said oh yeah because he has never been there (he has traveled to so many places in the world but not Hawaii ..not even once!) and if he doesn't have a reason like this, he would never go. I felt like this small gap I had with him was fixed, and I felt so much lighter in spirits. It was great to finally tell him about this whole moving thing, and to hear that he is actually happy for me.

I always have this gut feeling for people. like whether I can trust this person or not. Being in this industry, I kind of set myself not to trust anyone 100% from the start. As a matter of fact, I don't even trust my own brother. The trust I feel for people, are somehow divided into certain category, I trust my chief scriptwriter for word of wisdom, advice, decision making, and his philosophy on society etc. It's just parts of it, not a 100% trust. It's hard to know who is going to be really there for you when you are completely fallen apart. So tricky. Frodo, from Lord of the rings, he had tough time wondering who to believe. but usually you can tell by the gut feeling who is loyal to you. I knew it was Sam.

Things are going to get better. I gotta at least trust myself,right? Being negative won't get me anywhere. I gotta be happy and make the most of this lifetime opportunity to live in Hawaii.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Talking about generation 

I have been in this depressive funk that I just can't seem to get out, so went to see Kana sensei, Kev was dissapointed about not going to see Lord of the rings with him, but I had to do a quick fix about my life and what's been going on first because it is for both of us. Lord of the rings can wait a day or two, right? Anyway, I found out a lot of awful naked truth about people that I thought that I could trust, a total wake-up call. For example, like my brother, or just people that I have been seeing for advice, I was like argh, not again. So unfair, but maybe it's the only way to survive in this world and I am just naive*sigh* She did give me energy and motivation as usual, though so I left her place thinking that I just gotta keep on trying, even though there will be some seriously fucked up things down the road, but maybe one day I will be sitting at the office in a condo right downtown Waikiki and doing some mad business. Could be NY or somewhere else, but no matter how long it takes, I will be succesful and happy. I know we can pull it through.

Went straight to work, and saw this new reporter girl who is taking over Miho-san's place. I don't know what to make of her yet. but she was there to observe the show. She is in 20's. but most of the DJs now are in their 30's. Most all of them. Isn't that why they can't get young people to listen to their station? I thought that it's probably about time for a generation change and to bring in more new people. Because I think I had my time, although I have yet to see or interviewed Matt Dillon which was my goal, but oh well. It's hard for me because I like to see an instant smile on people. but with radio it's hard. Fax or emails are great, but I get more joy out of actually helping someone and to see them smile. That was always an issue with me being in radio and music industy because it felt like this was such a self indulgence type of a job, and somehow that wasn't really me. So we should welcome all new people.

We talked about Haiti that was the topic of the day. We also asked our listeners if they would vote for Kelly or Bush, if they had a right to vote. 67% was Kelly and 33% was Bush on our show. Wonder what would really happen but yeah, anybody but Bush, like some listener said. I agree.

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