Friday, April 30, 2004

Gift of poem.  

This is from my friend Tiffany. It makes me feel so good to have a friend who would write such a beautiful poem on my bad days :) Makes me feel it's worth living after all. Thank you Tiff *hugs*
This is one of those moment when you sing to yourself. " That's what friends are for!" hehe :)

A poem for you!

Tropical sunset

A bright ribbon of multihued flame
Across a clement unreachable horizon
My world ever drearily the same
I dream of the oceans blazing sun

In my dream I dance upon water
Heaven hue's cascading upon me
Its' purple ribbons seem ever father
My heart flying upon the balmy sea

My soul reaches the sandy beach
My eyes fly to the setting sun
Its beauty far beyond my reach
Its colors my heart it has undone

A rustle of flowering tropical trees
A fragrant scent to lighten my heart
Playfully dancing on the salty breeze
The dazzling vision falling apart

My eyes open to the world I know
Dull, oppressing, and forever bleak
My heart racing and ready to go
To find the dream I eagerly seek

A ringing call is heard announcing my trip
Decrying the end of my tireless wait
My hand wrapped tight around a white slip
As I walk through the flying gate

Soon my heart shall land
My dream coming to pass
Upon the sea of sparkling sand
My feet soon tred tropical grass

My dream has come to me
I now see my setting sun
Crossing over the vibrant sea
My life anew hath now begun

Have a terrific day 

I wish you a day of ordinary miracles----
A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself.
An unexpected phone call from an old friend.
Green stoplights on your way to work or shop.
I wish you a day of little things to rejoice in...
The fastest line at the grocery store.
A good sing along song on the radio.
Your keys right where you look.
I wish you a day of happiness and perfection--
I wish you little bite-size pieces of perfection that give you the funny feeling that Mother Nature is smiling on you, holding you so gently because you are someone special and rare.
I wish You a day of Peace,Happiness and Joy.
Remember to Make the Time TODAY,
To do something Special for a Total Stranger.
Have a TERRIFIC day

Something awful 

Taka sent me this link to Something awful Definately awful!!


I did not get much sleep last night but I went to meet up with my friends from school for lunch at Girandole at Park Hyatt. Nice view, nice restaurant, but 4000 yen full course meal for lunch and such small dishes....???? Just call me a pig..

Yuki is 7 month pregnant and her belly was big and she let me touch it because the baby was moving. I touched the belly with the moving alien inside for the first time. I was like.. wow... this is for real. We all had a good conversation and babbled on for like good 4 hrs straight. 4 people dining out at fancy restaurant, such a Sex and the city moment for me. (only if I am wearing a pair of Manolo Blanik shoes and what not)

After the fancy lunch with my friends from school, I was expecting Kumi(Koda) to come visit my place with her friend, so I hurried home and entertained her and her friend for a little bit before I had to leave for work. Ku-chan is always fun to hang out with. She's just full of energy.

and at work, I interviewed Ami Suzuki as she has made a comeback with a new single called "Tsuyoi Kizuna" after 3 years and a half of complete silence in Japanese music indusry. She was basically kicked out after sueing her label and management companty at that time for mismanagement and such, she had to fight this case in court for almost 3 years. With her being 18 back then, (now she is 22) her father had to go to court instead of her being that she was a minor, media and tabloid saw her father showing up to the court, took pictures of him, and made a huge gossip about her saying that her dad was this greedy man who wanted more money out of her daughter's income and how he asked for too much compared to J-pop artists's normal standard income, when in fact, the norm in Japanese music industry is somehow twisted and what she was claiming for, was something that makes perfect sense, and that's why she won this case. But no record company, no management companies wanted to deal with her, absolute no single company approached her even though she was/is big and popular and has potential of big sales. Because, breaking the law of industry, they shall never return.

So she released a song along with the picture booklet from a book publisher called Bungei shunju, so her single never makes it to Oricon chart, (Japanese version of Billboard so to speak) but her "book" is ranked at #3 of all the "books" available so the song is a BIG seller. She said she learned a lot of lessons during these past 3 years and a half while she couldn't sing or dance or release songs, but that she never gave up hope because she knew that the fans were waiting for her. She is a strong woman who fought for justice not knowing that it was a jungle out there. So many unwritten rules exist in Japan. Many people play that game to survive, no matter that it takes betrayal or lies. but I am a sucker for the honest one. who is driven by the passion. because that's who I want to be. and I think Amigo is one of those kind :)

PS She put the picture of her and us in the studio on her website on her journal section. Thank you amigo :)

Good lessons 

I got this from my friend Jen. Thought I should share with all the wonderful women out there who happened to be reading my blog :)

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.Maya really is a marvel who has led quite an interesting and exciting life. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was "exciting" Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring everyday..like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words. "I've learned that no matter what
happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. "I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm
hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still
have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you
said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget
how you made them feel. "

Thursday, April 29, 2004


I got to meet Ryoichi Yamaguchi today for an interview regarding "futarinori" on highway. More than likely, starting from June, bikers will be able to do futarinori. Futarinori is such a big word, it has a very sensitive, romantic nuance to it for some reason. It just means two people on the motorcycle or a bike, but somehow some people get off on that word LOL. because of us girls holding the driver's waist..

I agree 95% with the change of law. As a matter of fact, I used to ride in the backseat in my early 20's and used to own my helmet, and on the regular streets, it was more scary and I had always wished that we could have done futarinori on highways so we could have gone to many different places. The driver also tends to be more careful when you have somebody in the backseat. The problem that the highway didn't allow this before was basically because of bosozoku. and this change of law had been talked about for almost a decade. Looks like it will change though in June, but I am all for it. I personally do not like riding a motorcycle as I lost my friend over it when I was young, (it was his fault though because it was drinking and driving) but I say why not.

Ryoichi Yamaguchi was such a nice guy... He was "yoiko"(good boy) of Kinchan's comedy show in the 70's-80's. He has a really good heart, and I support him 100% because he is just so nice and pure and no two faces, and still suriving in this industry.

Tomorrow is an interview with Ami Suzuki known as Amigo. A super idol making a comeback. Should be interesting.

Went out drinking at the place called Macchan in Roppongi, it's a sushi orinented izakaya which is like a beach house inside and looks like a nice Japanese restaurant from the outside. Very close from Verfarre and is opened til 7am. Good joint.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Stormy day 

Super stormy day, so instead of making my way out to the embassy and getting my umbrella all flipped inside out and broken because of this damn wind, I stayed inside the house. Boring boring boring. I need to do my nails real bad but I didn' t want to get my nail artist to come to my house in this horrible storm. So I have been watching Pride, the wrestling match on TV.... August 1st is supposed to be the big K1 match with Mike Tyson. but with the current Japanese immigration's regulation, Mike Tyson is not allowed to enter the country, so K1 website and some fans have been doing the signature-obtaining campaign to get him to Japan at least only for this match. Tyson will have to have a match elsewhere if this doens't fall through. That will be such a shame. He hasn't picked which fighter he wants as an opponent. People seem to want to see Bob Sapp fight with him though... but if he does come to Japan, I wouldn't mind buying the ticket to go see Tyson doing the bloody match. muhahahaha..... I am bored....

Tuesday, April 27, 2004


I just made a reservation today to stay and attend the wedding at Nikko Alivila Hotel in June. My producer from Avex is having a wedding there (June bride!) and there is no way that I am going to miss it!

This will be my 3rd time to Okinawa. 2nd time was for our 1st year anniversary which was really unforgettable because we thought it was going to end up as a boring nightmare at first, but because of this man we met at the pool, he and his wife treated us to wonderful experience by surprise. He was a funny man with a LOT of cash. Tanned, wore bright clothes. Turns out that he was this what he called himself a "rich spoiled brat turned ojisan." He had various businesses running, he treated us to expencive chinese full course dinner all paid by them, bar hopping in his driver's car, drinks and snacks again all paid for again, karaoke and drinking til 4am all paid by him. and the next day we were leaving, he got us a car with his driver, sending us to the airport for free. This man said, " I don't do no harm, I just want you guys to enjoy your anniversary since you came out to Okinawa from Tokyo only for a few days trip. I warn you one thing, though, You will be talking about us on the plane back to Tokyo, hahahaha". and sure enough we did.

So we do have fond memories of Okinawa thanks to this gentleman. Our level of luck started to pick up after we got back from that trip too. I can't wait to go back there to attend the wedding and stay at Alibila. That would be so much fun. She said she will have another party in Tokyo , probably at Verfarre, so that will be a blast as well :)

I am in the mood for traveling, but there is no way I can go anywhere during Golden Week( and I can't get no days off anyway), and besides during golden week it's really expencive . My friend is taking off to Egypt/Turkey, and My relatives are going to Holland/Belgium.. me? stuck in Tokyo?? *weeeeep*

Monday, April 26, 2004

Paris Hilton's video 

Video company apparently got the rights to distribute Paris Hilton's infamous homemade porn video according to Reuter. It will be called One night in Paris, about 45 minutes long. Shorter version of it is already available by download for 50 bucks or something. Are people still interested in this?


There are always something that we just absolutely love no matter how cheap the products are, and one of my inexpencive yet favorite product happens to be hair products called Aussie. I love the smell of this. I used to use this Aussie hairspray in 80's and their product had the best spray that hold my hair like Heather Locklear back then. I bought the shampoo and conditioner from Yokota out of reminicense, mmm I LOVE it! This fragrance(it's like bubble gum smell) reminds me of my wonderful and happy days in the 80's!!

Sunday, April 25, 2004

A trip to Yokota Base 

Some people love Yokota Base, they have friendship festival every year around summer time when they open the base for anyone to come and enjoy, but with the terrorism alert being extremely high, and with the "Eagle Eye" campaigne that they are doing now, US military base isn't the easiest place to enjoy yourself any more.

This wasn't my first time to go visit the base though, I was never one of those girls who would hang out at the dance club on NCO club, but since one of my ex happend to be a civilian on base, I did go out that way quite a bit when I was much younger. So I kind of do know what's on base, or how to get around there and the system and everything on base whether that's a good thing or not... you still see Japanese girls in hip hanger jeans and tight topwear with jetblack hair with LOTS of make-up on, walking together with GI though. That will never change.. as a matter of fact, not much on life on base hardly ever changes all that much, except for the security after 9/11. Kev and his mom even recognized the school he went to while they were living here as a yougster, at the same exact spot,too.

Kev went to school on Yokota Base for like a year in 80's as a small kid for like a year. His dad was in the military so Kevin and 4 other bros are all what they call "military brats". I could never understand the real meaning of it though because I have never been through it, but many artists are military brats. A singer named Olivia(half Japanese half american), is one. So as the girl from Sweetbox and many others. It comes easy when I drop that word because they somehow think I know what they are, and the interview goes smooth for some reason. Anyway Kevin and his brothers no longer have ID any more but his mom still has the ID. so we asked her to get us on base and use some faciities.

I rented a mini van called Odessey, 12 hrs a day with insurance and all the gas that I can use, and that whole package was 19000 yen. Ouch. Since I can't drive, I asked Mizuki if she can drive us out there. so she came out for us. Gosh I don't know how to thank her... We took off to pick up Kev and his 7 boxes of misc stuff, and took off to Fussa in our van which came with the navigation system. which was quite convenient. The traffic wasn't bad at all, so we went all the way to Sagami-ko lake to pick up his mom where she is staying now with her aunt and her sister, nothing but mountain out there, and it was sunny in the morning so we felt like we were on a little picnic.

Once we picked her up, and started heading toward Fussa, it started to rain, and got really cold and dark outside, and the worst part about it was that we couldn't drive around on base any more because of this current "Eagle Eyes" policy..since we weren't driving Y-registered car...not even taxis are available on base any more. It sucks! Few years ago when we went there, we were still able to drive around on base as long as we got our car sponsored on base gate. but nope. no such thing can't be done any more :( We couldn't even park our car on base so we went to park our car off base, and carried our boxes to the postoffice which was like 5 minutes from the gate, but still it was a lot to carry, and it was cold outside, so we just had to laugh at ourselves, as it wasn't funny any more. People helped us though, and we got the postoffice stuff taken care of, and we went to the shopping complex right front of the gate. Went to BX, can't still get into commisary though and at the foodcourt, Mizuki and I bought some cinnabon rolls and had burritos and nachos at Taco Bell. That was really heavy stuff... Kevin's mom did some shoping at Commisary for gifts for kids back home in US so she had a lot to carry home, so Mizuki drove her back to Sagamiko-lake out of her kindness, but we got lost... in the mountain where it was dark and had no idea where the heck we were, Obachan wasn't giving the direction based on coming from our way, she was saying left and right from the way she was looking at it and so we got all confused.. but we finally found our way to her place and dropped Kev's mom off, I felt soooooooo sorry for Mizuki. That mountain rodes and hills were totally killing us, and I even got carsick looking at the navigation system and looking at the real roads. Altitudes was messing with my head too. That was some serious drive!

But our way back home was rather smooth, once we got on the highway it wasn't so bad. My head was pounding with pain, and my throat was sore and burning ... but we were able to turn in our van on time, and headed toward our home. I felt so awful for Mizuki though, for putting her through so much .. :( We gotta take her and her mom to Egyptian restaurant in Waseda when she gets back from her golden week trip to Egypt and Turkey to thank her for what she did for us!

We were so exhausted but it was the opening day of Kill Bill Volume 2 so we went to see it last night, they had the all night showing on saturday night for avid Kill Bill Fans. Well, The movie as a whole(Kill Bill Volume 1 and 2) .. out of 5 rating, I would give 3.5. Kev said he would give 3. Vilume 2 did answer a lot of mysteries and unsolved questions about what you never knew in Volume 1, but maybe too much tallking in the film and not enough action. I would think that since there are a lot of chinese lines in the film, this one might do better in US since there is bigger chinese immigrants and population there. Volume 1 was something that Japanese could laugh at, but I don't think the audience liked the lines by that chinese man that depicted Japanese and our martial arts. (you could totally tell by the air in the movie theatre!) If there really is going to be Volume 3, I would look forward to seeing that. Because there are still unanswered questions about the remaining characters that I wouldn't mind seeing. I am sure Tarantino can come up with interesting ways to show all of that in a bizzarre format. Overall I think it is a fun film to watch, when there are so many crappy movies flooding the market, I think after all, Kill Bill does stand out.. but that's just my humble opinion.

It is sunday night now and I spent pretty much all day in bed, chilling, as I did get a cold from not wearing enough clothes on saturday and being out in the cold all day. My throat is burning sore, and I get chills and I am having aches in my body.. this sucks!!! I was going to go see Cutie Honey premire tomorrow and also get the notary thing taken care of at the american embassy tomorrow. But I am not sure if I am genki enough to do that, oh well. I should get some sleep and see what happens.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Cutie Honey 

Confirmed Shimpei Itoh and his wife Mio Odagi as guests for A-kon ..wish I could somehow go as I am invited as a guest also.. and would really like to help out Do As Infinity to do a kick ass show in Texas...

Anyway, manga artists couple, Shimpei and Mio told me that my name was credited on the end credit roll of Cutie Honey. For a second, I was like huh? and then I realized that I did write lyrics for a short song for a buddy, Kumi Koda which she sang in English, and I helped her coach (she is in the movie as well).. it is of a scene where she wakes up Sister Jill as she sings that song. I plan to go see the premiere on Monday. Can't wait. It's awesome to see my name credited on the film ..Shimpei told me that it was Sachi Bennett. Yay!


Last night I accepted the last minute narration request from Tokuyama-san from J-planet, and went to the studio bright and early today with not much sleep. We used to do a show on FM Yokohama together for 3 years and he was so easy to work with and really brought out the best in me, which I am still really thankful for. He knows how to make me feel all relaxed so that I can sound well. Because it really shows. We had a good chat today. I have been feeling really tense at work lately so working with him today really helped lift off some heavy stuff off my shoulder :)

I picked up some food for take-out at Dean and Deluca in Shibuya and I didn't realize that I spent like around 4000 yen for 4 simple dishes... their deli is good but it's pretty pricey..

I came home to chill for like an hour maybe, and took off again to work. I had to go in again for some extra narration before the show, so I pretty much spengt all day at J-wave! *good grief* Comedian duo called Penalty was the guest on the show today. I think I finally got a brief grasp of the friday format so I was able to relax and do the bit today, finally. ...

Now tomorrow we will be doing something for the first time, in Japan anyhow.. to rent a car!! Driver will be Mizuki, since I am a what we call "paper driver" which means that I only have a license as a piece of paper but that I don't know how to drive on real streets, nor never driven since I got the license. It's a shame. Because I took my license when I was 18, in my first year of College. It took me(well, to be correct, my parents) over 250,000 yen for enrolling the driver's school and getting the license. Once I enrolled in school, all I wanted to was to just finish the course and get a license. I should have tried harder while I was in school, though because then I might have been able to drive now. I wore rather mini skirt to driver's license school so I can get the stamp from the instructor( they are mostly dudes so..) to go to the next step. WRONG, I should have tried harder.

Once I got my license, and asked my dad to drive with me on the real street, he was hanging on to the handbreak the whole time and maybe we drove around for 20-30 minutes, he was screaming and scolding me the whole time, and we came home and he looked BLUE, like the bluest face that I ever seen in my life. and said he is never letting me drive and that he will never ride next to me so he told me to ask my brother for help. A week later, I got my bro next to me and started driving, and he was screaming and yelling at me the whole time again, and holding on to the handbreak again, he told me to just go park at the Denny's, which should have been the easiest thing to do, but I sucked again. We parked my dad's car at the parking lot at Denny's in our neighborhood, and we were all quiet for a good while. and he just said, "You know what, I think you shouldn't drive, and I am not willing to help because I am scared and I think you will get in a major accident and I can't be responsible for that." So I was like, fine. and he drove home from there instead of me.

Driving in the narrow streets of Tokyo is scary. I was so excited before getting a license though, I thought cool, I can blast the car strereo and sing and drive like I am a valley girl in Cali! NOT. I will start over again when I relocate though, because you MUST drive in US. I would like a volkswagen or something, a cute one with super bright color. I am a sucker for a bug, so I would love to be able to drive one of those... that is if I am going to be able to drive!

Next week, on thursday, I get to do the interview with Ami Suzuki aka amigo, as she made a comeback after a few years of lawsuit battle with her agency and the label. She is releasing a song from a "publisher" which is really rare here. and on friday, BBC is coming to film a documentary/film about foreign talents in Tokyo, as Patrick is doing the show on friday, Michael Moore is somehow involved in this, so that's exciting, I understand that they will only be using a very short footage but still that's cool. We don't know at this point whether this is going to be a film or just a documentarty to be shown on BBC or not, but me on BBC? Mighty cool !!!

Friday, April 23, 2004


I wanted to try google's Gmail but apparently I am not compatiable. :( Excite webmail has done a huge makeover and I still haven't gotten all the data back yet. Plus I am getting more spam mail than ever. Oh well. Maybe I will try to make something else for blog addy and get rid of excite webmail system.

Interview with one of the hostages 

Mr. Nobutaka Watanabe, one of the 5 hostages that was released and came back to Japan 3 days ago, did a phone interview with us. He belongs to NPO group called Trans Pacific GI/SDF Rights Hotline calling for peace and Japanese troops to be out of Iraq. He did admit today that he volunteered to be in danger zone where as other 3 who were held as hostages before him and the other guy, were really taken as hostages by surprise. When we asked if he recalls anything about the guys who took them as hostages, and he said he does not know anything and sealed his lips very tight. You could tell by the voice that he knew something, but that somehow he wasn't allowed or something. He said he was taken to several different places while he was taken as a hostage, but he was fed, no torture. He said the only time he felt his life was in danger was when one of the Iraqi guys asked him how .."muslims will go to better place when we die but what about you buddism believers. " He said he did hear about 3 others when they were released and thought then that they will be okay too. He was repeatedly saying how he was forced to say this message from them, that they are fighting the war with US and UK and want to concentrate on those guys and that they don't want any other troops from other countries. I had to ask him a question about how some people are saying this is something they(hostages) set up by themselves, and what he thinks. That was a tough question especially coming from my mouth, because who the fxxk am I, you know? I ain't no journalist. He just laughed and said "oh is that true that people are saying about us? That is just absurd and if this was a set-up that we planned, we would have done it better." When we asked him how there are a lot of bashing going on about the hostages re: their responsibility issue and such, and what he thinks of that, and he giggled again and said that he doesn't know that there was a bashing. hmm... you would think that they would read magazines or newspapers or watch TV and know about that... when asked about 34 yr old woman, Ms Takato coming down with PTSD because of the trauma while in Iraq when taken as a hostage, and what he thinks of the situation she is in, (more like when she came back to Japan and realized what happened was a bigger issue than what she thought and she said that she feels that the whole society is against her with so much hatre) he just said he wasn't aware, and as for goverment's decision about making them pay for the air-tickets and such, he said that goverment just doesn't see what they were trying to do in Iraq and if they were to force them to pay back for air-tickets using Japanese civilian tax payer's money, then they should get the SDF troops out of Iraq as that's a huge chunk of Japanese tax payer's money, because they are out there to support the war. and when I asked if he would go back to Iraq again, he said yes. He intended to be there for 6 months at least to report what is really going on there, but because of what happend, he was only there for just about 2 months. We spent about good 20-25 minutes interviewing him.

Public opinions on these hostages who got released are so split apart right now, partly because of media. If some journalists start saying on TV that they went to Iraq because they volunteered to do so, yet they got in trouble and we had to save them with our tax money, people have a way of automatically believing that. but I somehow agree with what he said about how SDF troops are out there to support the war with our tax money as well and how people do not see that. Although, Families of these hostages crying for help to get them back to Japan, probably should have not created so much drama as what they have done, because they knew their kids went because they wanted to, and they were absolutely nothing compared to what the families of abductees by North Korea have to go through still to this day.

I am thankful for the opportunity to speak with someone like Watanabe-san, though. Because after all, he was a hostage til several days ago and making the headline of news around the world. and I am glad nobody lost their lives and made a safe return.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

New Spa Heaven 

Chin Ganso Taiwanese Relax kan is a new 7 story building spa heaven that just opened up in Higashi-Shinjuku on April 15th. I just read about this on newspaper at work today, I MUST GO!!!


Turns out that Kev's mom is arriving to Tokyo today and that she will be staying at her aunt's place for a week. So I suppose she is here already.

Spoke to the chair person of ASK on the show today, which is a Japan specified Non-Profit Organization to prevent alcohol and drug problems. It's the party season here with the school and companies new employee start work from April, and what they call "alcohol harrasment" is a big problem. Personally, I think power harrasment is more of an issue people are curious about these days... you could die from alcohol harrasment too but you could also die from power harrasment.

When it comes to alcohol, I can say no, no matter other people push me to drink, because I don't want to die from mixing meds and alcohol. I have been drinking more now, but never because someone forces me to. but when it comes to power harrasment, I don't know how to deal with it. Do you just run away from it who is doing this to you or you learn how to live with it, by saying NO to them knowing that they might fire you or verbally abuse you? Any advise?? I mean.. I know that it's not very best to run away from it. I tried to run away from problems when younger which ended with a bad result because I never learned to accept the problems by neglecting them and everything just got out of proportions and I just had a total breakdown. When I was in the support group for panic disorder, they told me to just get away from where I am and go as far as possible as I can from my parents and not let them control my life. but I am glad that I didn't, because by dealing with the problem head on, I learned to appreciate them, and understand why they did some of the things they did to me when I was young and stupid. But how about Power harrasment? Do people with power live on forever the way they are? *sigh* Quite frankly, right now.. I would be happy and content to work for JALPAK counter or something at the hotel in Hawaii and not worry about a thing. I can't wait, to relocate.

But you hear about how you can't change anything even if you move somewhere because you carry your problems with you everywhere you go, and I think it's so true. but the thing is I can be a total bitch and stand up for myself in English no problem but in Japanese it's really hard. So maybe that will hopefully make a difference. When I can't get what I want the way I want it, I don't hesitate to say it in English speaking world. but in Japanese, with Japanese people, VERY HARD. I feel that I feel so much better and relaxed and can totally be me when I am using English, Although this isn't really my native lauguage. (but I also SUCK with kanji) It's weird how your personality slightly changes depending on what lauguage you are using. I am not sure if anybody else experience the same, but at least I do. Enough to fight power harrasment... When I had a conversation with Jodie Foster, she told me the same. She is fluent in French, and said that she can feel so liberated when using french. That's exactly how I feel with using English.


To know Momus has a blog is one hell of a cool thing and also to find out that he has this song out now which was inspired by Ken Shimura's bakadono and henna ojisan is too cool. Used to listen to Momus when I was in college. Funny bloke.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Kevin's birthday 

It was Kevin's birthday today. He turned 34 as of April 20th, ojisan!! LOL My gift for him was already given long time ago, which was iPod. What we did today instead, was to do the "paperwork" at the city office. We had our wedding in 2000, but had been prolonging the paperwork part for a long time because it's just a pain in an ass! Writing a foreign name on those goverment sheet of paper is a LOT of work, I had to correct dozens of things on that piece of paper, and kept putting my hanko on my corrections. It took so long... and again felt like a lot of work on my part... which was one of the reason I didn't want to do this. It's just a piece of paper yet it changes a lot of things. and this is especially not so convenient for women... like we are meant to lose power over men with this piece of paper. like the whole tax situation. As soon as we get married, and if women make more than 1.2 million yen a year( which is easy) then we pay hella tax because we are supposed to be under the roof of men and that they are supposed to take care of us ladies. I don't see much equal rights in this, at least the Japanese way. All the more reason why I need to hurry up and move to Hawaii now. *shrug*

Certificate of Acceptance of Notification of Marriage is your only proof of marriage. Thaere are two choices, big one and small one. I got both. Big one is realky nice. and makes you feel like you just graduated from school LOL There are a lot that needs to be done from here on as far as filing for I-130 and all that. Pain in an ass. I wish I could avoid all this hassle and just use dokodemo door to move to places to places....

I was so tired by the time I finally received this certificate, and we went to get the massage by whom we call "voodoo man" in Nishiogikubo. Kana sensei introduced me to him long time ago saying that he's like Japanese version of rare shaman who gets rid of all your bad spirits around you that's causing you physical/mental distress or troubles, and gives a kickass shiatsu massage. He DOES. He only charges you 5000 yen per person for like a good full hour. He starts off his treatment by getting rid of your evil spirits that haunts you. Funny because when you walk in the door and say hi to him, he is not looking AT you, he is always looking at something AROUD you. LOL. Once before he explained to me about how evil spirits tend to be the animal that live in the darkness.. (because this dude apparently can see things!) and his teaching was from his master who was a remaining of a very few Japanese version of shaman. There were only like 4 or 5 around 10-20 years ago already at that point. and now it's down to just him and one buddhist monk in Fukuoka but he is a monk and can't touch women's bodies so basically the only remaining active one is just him. and he got rid of my right side pain today. WHAAAA!! and now I am left with the left side of neck pain that I never noticed before because of right side of pain was so awful :( Kevin's knee got better, like unbelievable. He doesn't believe in none of these spiritual stuff, but he was skipping home. leaving his wife not just 3 steps behind but like 3 feet behind easy. grrrrr....

Interview with the hostage that was just released 

I just found out that I get to do the live phone interview with MrNobutaka Wanatabe, freelance photographer and teh member of NPO group to stop the war, who was one of the hostage that was released recently this thursday. Awesome.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Not happy with Lost in Translation? 

Lost in translation does not translate well in Japan. So unfortunate. Why oh why. If we stop taking ourselves and our "image" so seriously, I think we can enjoy this film as a plain o' film. but then again..that's my humble opinion.. Many people ARE offended by the "image" of how nihonjins are being portrayed in this film and that's a fact. and I can't stop them for feeling that this movie is poking fun of Japanese.I personally fit right in, though but that's just me...

CBF Uchiage party 

Went to Matrix to meet up with club beat freak team around 7pm with Kevin, and we went straight to Shibuya bowling center, we played two rounds and I scored pretty decent the first round, (like 137!!) but 2nd round was not so good. but we had so much fun :) I discovered that I can bowl with these fake nails!! And we went to the local dining place that we used to use quite a bit when we used to do the recording, and each of us did our up-to-date confession. I confessed to them about Hawaii and they got way more excited than me! Each confession was rather big, like how one of our staff was finally able to get a loan from the bank and buying the house, and how one is quitting in a few months, and ..just lots of things going on! And we went to Karaoke. Seeing Kevin in that karaoke room was like a total "Lost in translation" moment. We all had a blast and we shall get together again soon :) We are like family so..

Monday, April 19, 2004

School of Rock 

Very slow weekend. Watched School of Rock on DVD last night. This movie just came out in Japan, (I don't know how well it is doing over here.) but for a movie this size, they were promoting this movie quite heavily. It was funny. Not sure if regular nihonjins would get half of these jokes and his character though. I remembered how I went to an elementary school in San Bernardino, CA as an ambassador, and since I was a trained piano player, they asked me to play some songs. and I could have played some Debussy or something but instead I played Bon Jovi on piano and the kids went wild in the name of rockn' roll! They even offered me some extra bread during lunch for rocking the school LOL.

Recently I feel so old for rock though. I don't go to shows much any more, (partly because I work nighttime too) and I have been picking a CD that soothes my soul rather than something that totally rocks. Don't get me wrong though because I was a total metalhead when I was younger. I went from top40-rock-LA metal-Metal-some punk-totally punk-indie punk/indie rock-alternative- to ..whatever. It's not so easy to be in the music industry and at the same time to really keep your passion and love for the music. Because you come to realize that it's all about the business after all, so I admire people who manages to have both. I suppose maybe when I quit, everything will start to feel like what it used to be, and that I could hopefully remember how a song used to tingle me and my soul, and maybe I will start playing the piano again and write some songs. Anyway. I just feel so old for rock...yet those were the best days of my life.. Keel, Tesla, Iron Maiden, Ratt, Motley, Dokken, Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Faster Pussycats, GNR, LA Guns, Cinderella, Ozzy, ......etc etc..

I am supposed to go bowling/party tomorrow night and I looked at my damn nails... because... with these nails. I can't bowl!!!! Should I just hold the bowl with both of my hands and throw it? hmm...

Saturday, April 17, 2004

International marriages 

On the show,The founder of Global matchmaking agent called Destina Japan was being interviewed. I did read an article somewhere that international marriages are increasing now, but they were mostly J-men & chinese or phillipinos. so I don't even know why they decided to call up this agent that only lets you meet US/Canada/European men and also J-men who live overseas. I really felt so ...uncomfortable about this. I could go on and on so I will keep my opinion to myself but... there are restrictions for men and women who sign up. Men who sign up have to have an income of at least (lowest minimum) 5-60,000 dollars a year or something. Not to mention a chunk of money. Majority of J-women who sign up for this are apparently in their 30's, career-oriented women who has a global mind-set.. that's according to this agency. She said american citizens are by far the popular choice by J-women.

Japan might just be one of the very few countries that has a term like "kokusai kekkon", yes we have a graet koseki system, but why can't we just be together with somebody we like? and why is it such a big deal when we go out with a "foreigner"? *sigh*


What's going on with my body?! The pain doesn't go away :( Anyway... it was a beautiful sunny day, I wish everyday is like this, keeps me in good spirits. Went to meet up with Tony-the director, and Kuroda-san the writer, for some report we had to do at Izakaya for next week's show. This is for next wednesday and the topic is about alcohol harassment. See, in Japan especially around 80's and 90's, "Ikki" was so popular. Ikki is to drink a whole glass of beer or wine, or sake, (sometimes it could even be a whole bottle) just for the fun of it, and especially at occasions like college kids' drinking parties, it happens. and because of Ikki, many youngsters have been taken to ER, some people end up dying, from being forced to drink, or the vomit stuck in his/her throat and suffocate and die. Ikki became a huge issue at one point and sort of died down in the late 90's but apparently it is back now. (which isn't a good thing at all)

So we went to this Izakaya and talked to the store manager with the condition being that the name will be annoymous. He was saying he still sees some people do ikki, but not as much among college kids, and more with the company people where bosses force new employees because they can't get over the trend during the bubble. We talked to the customers there as well. It was a company party held by like 50 people and they were so drunk and some bald ojisan won't let go of my hand and was trying to force me to drink! He even did ikki. too... Media try to make young kids look bad, but adults are definately a part of it to blame. Then again after we left the izakaya, we went to Shibuya 109 where college kids were getting together for a drinking party and I interviewed a bunch of Keio University kids, both dudes and chicks. They were telling me about some alcohol related stories that was just such a horror, go drinking 3 times a week on a regular basis? 3 bottles of whiskey? Sleeping at the park? Falling into the train track? Hitting a head when too drunk? They were like 19. 20 yr old. Chicks were so ready to party and getting all wasted. Geez. I would hate to be a parent of those kids, although I am not so proud of my past either. I don't think I was ever forced to drink. and if anybody tried to force me. I refused even if they didn't think it was cool and that they thought that I should fit in. I drank because I wanted to. Not because someone told me to. Being a women helps a little, though. My brother was taken to the ER when he was in college for one of these drinking party, because of ikki. he drank way too much and he was this close to dying. Good grief. After interviewing those college kids, it did sound like ikki was back though, they were saying when someone speaks of something boring, they get a "ikki call" and end up doing it. Girls, too. Scares me. I wish ikki stayed died down. but apparently not. I suppose drinking in moderation is good, but we should never let the alcohol ruin our life. because really, it could take your life.

I was exhausted already when this was over, and had to go straight to Roppongi Hills. No time for massage either even though I desperately need one. Tonight we had the comedian duo called Home Team on the show. They were funny. I still can't get a hang of the friday format, but it is rare to see a comedian duo who actually get along! You have "boke" and "Tsukkomi" when it comes to owarai tag team, "boke" is just all around born funny and stupid, and "Tsukkomi" is someone who acknowledges when boke person is being silly and say "Hey, that's so and so". While doing this practice over and over again, I guess some people get pissed at each other, but Home Team guys were really good guys. I probably burn most of my energy on friday show, I wanted to go get a massage just to induce this pain, but I wanted to come home and take a bath and chill... so I chose to do so. I want to go to onsen or something this weekend... zzzzz

Friday, April 16, 2004


6 underaged kids were forced to a major labor, and torture by Home of Heart, which is X-Japan's Toshi's Self-awareness/Spiritual Awakening Organization so the organization is under the investigation right now.
There is a group calledHTP that is trying to provide information for the followers of Home of Heart, and dealing with this mess.

X-Japan's Toshi, (former vocal) has gone way out of line at one point. Releasing songs mostly on mental health or mental growth, I wasn't even aware that he had this kind of organization going up at Nasu, in Tochigi-prefecture. X-Japan fans were/are very loyal and so dedicated. I interviewed the fans at Yoyogi park ages ago that would meet up for X-Japan's regular fan meetings, (don't think they do that any more) all dressed up like how the members used to look. They were some serious, nice girls who were just so devoted to the group. But if this is really the case that they are taking advantage of this pure devotion, that's really sad. Toshi has an explanation on his own website as well.


Here is this new Amazon's search engine, A9. This seems to serve its purpose like Google, but what it does is this lets you search web links too which has the word that you are looking for.

I am not that "me-crazy" or "me-obsessed" person per se, but when I typed in my name on A9, it gave me quite a variety... and I found
my Blogspot's blog's rating on the site. That many people really read my site?! then... Where are they? Who is linking to my site?? (I checked technoratti but it didn't give me all that much) Whoa. very flattering,though. I thought nobody really cared much about my everyday whining. LOL

School anthem 

We have school anthems,(maybe elsewhere in the world, you do, too) Each school has its own song that lives on for several dacades at least. We sing that song at every occasion. I do not remember of any school anthems of the school I went to. Maybe it wasn't catchy enough. Now a celebrity songwriter, composers are writing the songs for some of the cutting age type schools in Japan. People who normally get royalty contract, and who are living large with the money that keeps coming into their pocket without doing anything. Some do it for free. Why?

So tonight we had a songwriter who is famous for many hit songs from the 70's and 80's especially, named Masao Urino, who has already written 7 of these school anthems, and just did one for Chihaya high school. It was a good song! That would be some song to remember for sure. Urino-san is probably in his 50's, and he was a hottie, not many 50 something don't look that good. His hair was trimmed like he just came from the hairsalon, not much wrincles and just looking studly. Totally living large with all those hit songs from the past, Must be nice.

Anyway school anthem was the topic of the night where I was responsible for, and we had the news about 3 hostages being released coming in during the show, we already had a commentator booked because of 2 possible hostages, so time-wise, it worked out perfect, when we heard the news, it was around 8:45pm. and we had him booked for around 8:50-ish, and he tried to cancel J-wave because he had to be on NHK, but we all talked him into it, so J-wave was the first media to have a commentator on this subject in the whole nation. That was cool for a rating week, I suppose. Tomorrow I am off to do the report at Izakaya, and then the live show with the comedian team called Home team. My right side of the body is still in great pain, and get sicky feeling on and off. So annoying. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to have so much responsibility all the time and just get to chill and mooch off from someone :P (That's so not me....)

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Sex education 

My whole right side of my body, including face, head, back, eyes, teeth, and everything hurts. Usually I would worry, and immediately go to the hospital. but it's rating week and I honestly don't give a damn right now. I got way too much to worry about and I am tired of worrying and I give up. I don't have energy to worry about myself....

Tonight, the topic was about sex education for elementary school kids. When we were little, we were informed so little that we had no idea what S-E-X meant. So we would misinform each other from the info we gather from magazines, and confuse each other. Now, they give a booklet on sex, pregnancy and abortion and such all in great details. Plus they show videos of how-to-have sex, and some schools use real dolls with penis or vagina on it or videos in order to explan how it's done. (I ain't joking) This one school in Machida, even show this anime which is a short story of this girl getting sexually abused by her father.
We Japanese rarely talk about sex with family members. It's like a forbidden topic to share, and we grow up feeling a sense of guilt when it comes to sex.

I had a school teacher in junior high (or could have been high school) who told us about how we can have sex all we want with someone we love, but told us to make sure to wear a condom because of how your body gets damages when you have to have an abortion. It was this science teacher, who drew a vagina on a black board, and went into details about what kind of surgery is done when you abort a baby, and how there will be a scar forever damaged to you mentally and physically. That story was something that definately remained in my head, which I thought was pretty helpful. The elementary school that I went to, gave us no sex education that was "real". So I was clueless in elementary school and I didn't even know how I came to being on this earth. I didn't get no sex education from my parents either. My dad was nice enough to get me this book about how to become a matured "lady" (which explained about what happens to a woman when we get our period, and how we become a full woman) hehe. Then again. my parents are conservative. I like it how he tried to reach me though. but anyway.. with the average age of first sexual encounter is so young now in Japan and also with the sexual abuse is increasing with many confused kids who don't know how to call for help, I think that schools should let the kids know more.

Some members of PTA are apparently trying to stop this education because they think it's too graphic or they think kids shouldn't know that much details, or they think that kids would think that all fathers would sexually abuse their children by showing the animation of sexual abuse(this is the whole reason why we did this topic today), I would like to ask them then if they really will be responsible to teach their kids the details. There will always be a conservative people in this world, but when it comes to sex, we should be taught from earily on in our lives.. otherwise we end up making mistakes. ....

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Migrane sucks.. 

Cloudy day in Tokyo. Fighting the migrane now. argh. Went to meet up with Yumi in Ikebukuro real quick after picking up another 3 months worth of 2wks disposable contact lenses in Shinjuku. Migrane sux.... will I get less headache and migrane attacks if I move to a paradise??? *sigh*

On 3 hostages 

Prime minister Koizumi just made a statement saying that the goverment has given warning for citizens of Japan not to go to Iraq but there are many people who still try to go. and he said that it's dangerous and it has been officially warned and wish that people would stop from goint to Iraq to avoid any further troubles. That's kinda harsh. The statement like this may somehow lead some people to believe that it was those hostages' faults for going there to begin with. and for a second, I even thought that they(Japanese hostages) may have even volunteered to become hostages to call for peace, so they can use that power against Japanese goverment to send the troops back to Japan and out of Iraq. but not so when I saw

Spiegel had this longer, uncut version of the footage of the 3 hostages in Iraq. They are being threatened by them with the knife and the guns and they look terrified. But they don't show none of these on Japanese TV. They just show a shorter version where they are just sitting there, and not look so terribly awful. WRONG! It's such a hypocritical thing for Japanese media to say how american media is so censored about the war in Iraq when they are doing the exact same thing.

Kill Bill Volume 3 

Tarantino plans Kill Bill Volume 3?? I think I will have enough with volume 2. I really don't like the wait...

Cool mag 

Stole this from Kokinta again, (thanks kokinta) Very cool magazine called Vice magazine which is a free mag.

Love love love... 

Ryoko Hirosue gave birth to a child and
Evangelion's voice actor who played Shinji, Emi Ogata gets married and Eriko Nakamura gave birth... love and babies are in the air of Japanese geinoukai.

Kimutaku & Studio Ghibuli 

In Hayao Miyazaki's upcoming summer movie, Hauru no ugoku shiro, Takuya Kimura of SMAP will be doing the voice of the lead character, who is supposedly a bishonen. It was Suzuki-san's idea apparently. and being that Kimutaku is already a father of two kids. of course he would want to do something that his kids will be proud of. Johnny's entertainment and Studio Ghibuli. hmmm .....

Seven samurai 

Seven Samurai turns into a game now. Major J-popular culture explosion everywhere.

Monday, April 12, 2004


Went to Mr Shimizu's wife's "otsu-ya". She died at the age of 59. She had been fighting a battle of terminal cancer since September, got rid of her stomach, and was scheduled to have another surgery in May, but she had a stroke in the bath and been unconscious since, and passed away on friday night. Mr Shimizu's my dad's friend who came to our wedding in Hawaii with his wife. Mr and Mrs Rich who loves the fun and beauty of life, It was sad to see their two daughters crying out loud and how they kept bowing to each and every people who came for the prayer. Totally broke my heart.

Kev has never attended otsu-ya, so he wasn't aware of customs like, bringing money in goreizen bag, and how they have a little hangout place afterwards, with meals and everything, and they give you a set of hankie, or green tea( cleanse yourself ) and salt to cleanse and purify yourself from the world which takes you to the exit of life, before stepping inside your home after the ceremony. Anyway, how sad though. ..

On the way to the station, Kevin keeps stopping by at each and every convenience store. which drives me nuts. He is totally obsessed with conbini, because all of them carry different snacks or drinks with omake toys. *sigh*

I am just so sleepy...and tired... zzzz

blog break 

I hit so low to the point that I didn't have energy to blog for a few days, and blog is my love. so yeah, I hit soooo low on friday. and my friend, Mizuki invited me out to a live gig of The Beautiful Losers at Ruby Room so I went straight there from work and by the time I got there, the show was finished, great. but I needed some serious booze to blow off some steam. I did some shots and kept on drinking... as soon as my cosmopolitan got empty, I had another one coming, hehe. Felt so much better, temporarily anyway. Mizuki introduced me to guys from The Beautiful Losers, Brett and Raj. Both VERY NICE people. Mizuki and I ended up staying out til late drunk and talking stories. She was ready to pass out, and I haven't seen her that drunk recently. and she's strong,too!

Alcohol starts to wear out of my body. and I start getting headaches, and I am in bed with my head pounding and I hit so low again. and could not sleep til like 3pm now. and Kevin tells me this story about snake. His version was much better than my mini interpretation, but it's basically about how this old man helps the injured *evil* snake that bites, snake's wound gets better and he feels better about helping the snake, and now snake bites him again. and the old man goes, "How could you do this to me after I saved you?" and the snake says. " Well. you knew that I was a snake to begin with." It was a good story that really hit home. and that's why I think he should pursue a career in counseling.

That night I fell asleep finally around 3pm-ish, and sleep til 9pm or whatever. when we were supposed to go eat with Yumi, I was a complete wreck, and she came over and we cooked at home (well, she cooked for us .. she's sooo sweet) and Yumi, Kev and I. and Mizuki went out again to Exile's night at Lounge Neo on saturday night. Two nights in a row. Major liver damage! but I had fun!!!!!! Pictures are uoloaded on my typepad's blog under Exile's night April 10th, there are pictures with great mix of coolest people.. a bunch of J-wave people were there and singers like Takako of DOUBLE, Melody and her sister Christie.. Raj of The Beautiful Losers came out too and turned out that our buddy Yoshi's good buddy is Raj's brother. Small world huh?

Anyway I had fun, and 2 nights in a row getting wasted helped me recover just a little. Kev and I had ramen in Shinjuku first thing in the morning after Exile's night which was very good! and I couldn't sleep again and my mom called and said my dad needed me for some translation help, so I went to their house and did translation of big fat documents for the house. My mom was being a major bitch when she called in the morning so I didn't even want to go.. I was like how does everything goes wrong?! but anyway I did go and ended up having good conversation. They finally sorta opened up about what was going on with my brother and all which totally scared me. So those documents needed notary at the american embassy. so I needed to come home that night to get my passport because I will need that to get inside the embassy. I came home. and after being up for long again, I crashed out.

Oh. and I talked to Masa on the phone, Yumi's ex-bf. We need witnesses for "paperwork" and I had been thinking about it for a while as to who for a witness. It's not a witness in person, but just a signature, but being that I didn't give a fuck about the piece of paper for this long and for us to do it. I wanted this to have a special meaning. Yumi's been heartbroken for so long and she still loves him and cares about him. Kana sensei says that after all, he's someone that can only make her fulfilled and that it hurts her to see her being this way but that she didn't know how to change the situation. That kind of lingered on my mind. and I thought, if I pick Yumi and Masa as a witness, then they will have a reason to talk again, and being all our names are together on the paper and bonded, (because of how Yumi cried on the phone talking about how Masa and she has this strong bonding that she feels that it's just in the beginning stage and that forever goes on) I thought that would be nice. It not only serves purposes to make us happy but it will make Yumi happy. and honestly I am wishing that this will bring them together. I just hate to see such a wonderful woman like Yumi to be out of the relationship with someone who means so much to her. If I just ask my own parents for a signature, then it will be the usual. ...like we both get a lecture, and feel obligated. I didn't want to do that. So I talked to Masa, and he sounded so warm and he was happy that we remember him, and allow him to be a part of our lives, and so many memories with Yumi, and the suffering they went through, or we went through.. started rushing in my head like I was fast rewinding the videotape.. and tears kept pouring out. and I was just so ..so tired from everything that I totally had a nervous breakdown there, and although I was healed by talking to him, forgiving him for treating Yumi the way he did. Couples always have to get over so many big mean waves in life. Kev and I did in the past too. and we are continuing to do so. but Yumi is the only true friend who lets me be who I am, and never criticize whom I am with, you know how some friends advise you not to go out with a certain guy or say shit about who you are with especially when things are not going right and you want to vent, too. but the thing is. she listens, but never gets on the same ball that I am on. She's fair to both of us, and she never ever criticize about my man because she thinks that she should respect who I chose, because I chose him. Not her. So I am starting to think the same way that masa is someone she chose, who makes her happy and content, so I should respect him even though he left her cold turkey, but their bonding is starting to come back again, after he made a big mistake. and if it's somebody that means so much to her, then I thought great, let's all be on the same piece of paper.

We all work so hard to get this "just a piece of paper". whether that's a greencard or marriage certificate or college graduate certification paper, or whatever. Even though it's just a paper, might as well put some meaning into it, right?

I went to meet my parents at American Embassy, but wow, soooo many security and police officers and bodyguards and all that... becuase Dick Cheny is here. and when we were leaving. he left so we got a glimpse of him. Inside american embassy was chaotic too..mom and dad driving each other crazy. and notary officer giving them both some lessons. It was funny to me though. A total book material. My dad's driver dropped us off in Shinjuku on the way for my dad to go to work, Mom and I had lunch at Keio hotel, and we both went seperate ways.. I had to do some errands ..and and.... oh I need to go now!!!! will post more stuff later.

Friday, April 09, 2004

Something that Tamara said... 

It was during our visit to Net Learning Inc, today. While she was asking them questions, and also explaining about what she does at her work, she somehow managed to explain, although it really would have been easier just saying "Everything haha" and end it with that. So she laughed at herself, well I'm like a knowledge broker. They(Net Learning Inc people) really liked that term. She went on to say, "But even if you have a knowledge, and if you don't use it, that's only half a knowledge, Knowledge becomes a knowledge once you really learn the knowledge and use them. " Good one, Tamara.

google ad 

and... I wonder if there are paid staffs just to read blogs everyday and employeed for a purpose of putting the right links to this ad thingie? Has anyone done it? When I write about cheerleading, it's cheer stuff. and now it says fingerprinting.. if I write about being tired, then it's about fatigue and it just amazes me everyday. and makes me think. hmm. How much is the hourly pay? because.......hey. I wouldn't mind!! lol

Thank you, dad.  

Thank you Dad, for giving me a chance to be punctual today for a change... from the lessons you have given me, I really appreciate that now. it feels nice to be punctual. and it was so nice of him to invite me, Kev, Tamara, Jen and Benny out to your office.

Thank you for having us introduced to all of these nice people at His company and giving us the tour to many company tenants and such.

Thank you for taking us to lunch, at Hotel New Otani Chinese restaurants (sorry that Benny was a meat eater, and Tamara didn't accept seafood and that we didn't tell you beforehand) .

Thank you for arranging gifts for all of them, it wasn't necessary.

Thank you for arranging everything we did today...

1. Providing a lady to escort us to Ghibuli museum and getting all of us in for free, and also arranging to take us there in two seperate cars, (company car with his driver and taxi) which cost him a lot.

2. For trying to set up a meeting with the son of Hayao Miyazaki but to no avail but still, for trying.

3. Sending his staff to take us to Anpanman creator and also a chairman of Japan cartoon association, Mr Takashi Yanase in his Shinjuku office, he is 83 and full with energy... amazing personality, so much love to give, he even sang a song for us!!! He even gave us a CD of his called Nostalji-san and special limited, not-for-sale anpanman phonecard.

4. Again sending his staff(he was so nice) out to bring us to Net Learning Co.,Ltd which his company buys a stock of, and because Tamara is involved in e-learning and wanted to see the office and somehow we got to see that and got to meet the president, Mr.Kishi and the auditor, Mr.Takeo Soma who happened to have spent 4 years in Toronto where Tamara and them are from.

5. For treating the guests he never even met before so well. and going way out of his way to do stuff for them.

6. For being him for who he is, and for being my dad.

7. For making me realize none of this would have happend if I wasn't your daughter, For a second at net Learning company, the auditor guy wasn't too aware why we were there or who I was, and after telling him who I was, then his attitude abruptly changed. That was a bit of a shocker. and it does make me feel special. and I appreciate his effort to make me happy, and make my friends happy.


After all of this was finished and saying byebye to Tamara and them, (Poor Tamara, she was badly missing her daughter Sarah who broke her leg by skateboarding accidedent and missed this opportunity to come to Japan with her..) I went to work. So exhausted....

Now. J-wave is doing a campaign called Brush up all your 5 senses "gokan wo migako" , on 52nd floor of the building, they are sending djs to play chillout music . They have flower arrangement done and really neat lighting done to that observation floor(52nd) so we went up there to see what it was like. It was nice. Relaxing. One of the staffs was getting dizzy because of fear of heights though. They will be doing this until the end of April. Very cool. 95% of the people there were couples,though. Figures. ...
It was a sight somehow very similar to the ending of the movie, Fightclub. all of us were tired, but the city lights were sooo bright and beautiful, and that cool chillout sound in the background... and it was right after the news about 3 Japanese people are held up in Iraq and if Japan doesn't get the Self-defence force troop out of Iraq in 3 days, then they said they will be murdered. All that chaos, and a long day I had, and so much going on in my mind for the past few weeks, or months... were a bit calmed temporarily by that Tokyoview citylights. Total Fightclub moment where you think.. argh I am exhausted, and I am starting over.

Oh and on the show we talked about how kyushu university hospital started allowing cellphones in certain areas in the hospital. (constant since last october after 3 month trial) Usage of cellphone are basically a no-no in the hospitals because they say that it might affect the devices used for operations or persons with pacemakers. They did a further research and found out that if you don't get it close than 22cm then it won't affect anything. and this new system is working greatly because of the patients who often feel very lonely and isolated heavily rely on communications with the outside world, and to hear their family's voice and such through emails and cellphones are helping them mentally a great deal. We got a lot of response from our listeners, Majority was positive about allowing it in certain area, by 60%.

Tomorrow is supposed to be somehow a special show, and I need LOTs of rest for that... and starting from following week, it's the rating... 2 wks in a row. eek. not sure if my energy level last that long.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

New nails done! 

I didn't get much sleep last night but woke up early because I was supposed to meet Kumi, but we both decided to cancel it for today and instead meet up on friday after she's finished with her PV shoot and all that.

Went to work and talked about trafficking in persons on air, like how japanese mafia brings prostitute from around the world and how that in Japan, there is no strict law set up that punish the dealers or brokers. One guy has done it many times and the longest he got locked up in prison was 1 yr and 8 months. and the first time he got caught, he only got away with 30 man yen fine. Japan..what a trafficking heaven huh? The whole human trafficking system is complicated but it's like 4:30am and I don't feel like writing the details, so maybe some other time. I had a decent conversation with my chief scriptwriter on this subject though, and also I mentioned about the immigration website that allows people to report the suspicious/illegal alien looking person. He knew about it too of course and he decided to annoumously report Patrick and see what happens and air that on the show. Yeehaa. He's going to hate this. Not confirmed yet though. and all throughout the show. we were getting emails and fax about the korean actor guy who is visiting Japan now..who was in this soap drama called fuyu-no-sonata which is really popular in Japan among the rather elderly women ..I haven't seen it but women in Japan are going nuts over this drama and this actor guy who played the leading role. It is supposed to be a super pure love story ..I remember my mom was even talking about it when they were showing that on TV. Around 5000 people gathered at Narita to see him arrive to Japan. and all the rooms in the hotel where he's staying at right now are completely full with his groupies, (which I know which hotel and where, but shouldn't mention til he leaves tomorrow! LOL ) and tomorrow when he leaves, Narita will be in chaos again with his fans. hmmm.... There are tours that take you to places where this drama was shot. Japanese people started taking korean because of this drama.. and I mean this hype is beyond imagination. I don't know what to say because I haven't even watched this drama. Well, but at least it's nice for women in late 40's or 50's or whatever to reminisce the feeling of being in love again right? My chief scriptwriter's staff's mother even left her husband home without saying anything, to come up to Tokyo to see this korean actor guy.. and then she got busted and was taken back home in Hiroshima before she got a glimpse of him at all. Oh boy. Sounds like a fan of Kiyoshi Hikawa. (the ever popular pretty boy enka singer in japan that has a huge obachan following)

I spent hours at nail salon tonight with my producer, and I got my nail artist to paint the face of doraemon, chibimaruko, Obake no Q-chan,Mickey Mouse and Elmo on my nails. Too crazy. My nail artist temporarily works wed-sun at Shin-tokorozawa til the end of April, as she is quitting Puwai(the salon that I had been going to but is closed as of 31st of March), and will be working at Ebisu's new salon from May, but she said she will come over and do my nails at my place, so that's cool :) She said she could probably draw gundam on my nails for Kevin, or that she could make a gundam shaped nails if she tried, that'd be fun! Anyway, I am really tired and I have a place to go to tomorrow morning super early which I just cannot be late, so... gotta get some sleep. zzz

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Frida kicks ass 

I watched the DVD of Frida, I was actually thinking this would be a semi- political woman's story which I wasn't really interested in. but my ignorance! She was this kick ass painter with such free spirits! It was great. I totally recommend it.

Kill Bill Vol.2.  

Oh, and I got an invitation to Kill Bill volume 2 today. The first one is on tuesday, which I can go see..and they have another one for masukomi people the next day with twice showing. but the showing in the theatre starts from 24th (Sat) anyway, plus they will have a premiere event on 16th( fri) night at Marunouchi Piccadilly 1 (at Yurakucho Marion 9F # 03-3201-2881) showing Kill Bill 1 and 2 all night, straight in a row. I think this is open to anybody, so you can always check this one. Maybe there is an information about it on Kill Bill Japan website or Gaga's website. Anyway, this should be fun.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

A day off 

I slept so well last night. What a feeling! It sucks to be working at nighttime as you come home so alert and you can't sleep right away. Argh. I have had this weird concept to time, like working at rather abnormal hours, or not being able to take time off like a normal human being because of the live shows that I am responsible for. I want to travel whenever I want to. A convention in Texas invited me out to come as a guest, but I will have to ask for time off, and I don't know if that's possible for a long while... I think I just need a break from it all. Anyhow with the great sleep and all, I think I was able to not fight off my cold thanks to airborne tablet,too. I cough still, and coughing is not pleasant, but I don't have a full blown cold symptoms like I normally would. Thank god.

It's so strange to have monday's and tuesday's off from this week. I have worked on mondays and tuesdays like other normal people for the past ...so many years now. but hmm. I just wanted to take advantage of being out when people are working their ass off. (That's the only beauty to working as a freelance,really. ) I wanted to go see sakura today with Kevin but he was so homebound today, so I just took off on my own. I wanted to get out of the house ... and I ended up going to see kana sensei. Did lots of meditation, I couldn't quite get a straight answer to the problems I have been having.. but oh well. When you are doing the meditation or hypnotherapy, (whether you believe it or not) you go through this long journey in your head. It actually takes you so far back in time sometimes that you get tired from traveling. Sometimes during this journey, we find out that we are here and we know certain somebody because of fate. Like today, my brother turned out to be the first man who invented a train during the journey. The funny thing is that it actually makes sense as to why I, or my parents experience the things we do through him, and on the other journey, we find out why Kevin and I are the way we are because of what happened in the ancient time. You guys might be laughing and think I have gone nuts. Kevin was playing with his pikachu doll that answers your question by either yes or no(when yes, he nods saying pikapika, and when No, he shakes his body and go pika~pika~~!) . He was like "Has Sachi gone nuts?" and Pikadoll says no. *relief* lol.

Monday, April 05, 2004

Friends from Toronto 


We tried so hard to stay awake today so hopefully we can go to sleep in a decent hour. (crossing fingers!) Did some errands today, like paying for rent, and going to the dr's office to get meds etc. Such a warm, nice day out today, I feel like I finally got to soak up some sun and see some sakura in a daylight. Well, Tamara, Jen and Benny are visiting Japan now. and they came over to our place to drop off the heavy ass goodies for us, my dad and Ghibuli people. Whew. They looked exhausted!! but the goodies are great :) I LOVE icewine, canadian maple syrup, smoked salmon, awesome chocolate, and my all time favorite.. apple cider! Love them canadians and great stuff from their country! It's like Xmas all over again, Thanks Tamara *hugs* We took them out to Nakano broadway, and while they are doing their otaku mad shopping, I just sat on the stairs and replied to some keitai emails that I have been meaning to respond. I wrote to Izumiko saying congratulation on her new boy baby. and she responded back right away saying she is busy breastfeeding, geez once a metalhead, and now feeding her baby! what a life LOL and wrote to Kumi and she wanted to get together soon, oh that reminds me.. I have to write her back again. Anyway, Tamara, Jen and Benny were escorted by Kevin, and did a tour around Mandarake, and we decided to go for a dinner together. Benny wanted meat. So we said shabushabu. but apparently in Toronto, there are a lot of shabushabu restaurants so Tamara and Jen wanted to do something different, so we went for brazilian churasco in Omotesando.

Damn they raised up the price! Anyway, Benny was a happy meat eater, Poor Tamara, she is falling asleep on this picture :( Jen is hanging in there with some smiles. I love their cheeseball bread and pinapple. Oh yeah, of course, the meat is great,too :) So we got all meated up and were ready to fall asleep there but they took off to Chiba where Tamara's friend lives which is where they are staying now. (after stopping by at our place to pick up their heavy bag) . I felt so bad. At least I got to call my dad and mom and somehow arranged a meeting for them to meet my dad on this thursday. He was talking about taking them to lunch and perhaps go meet the son of Hayao Miyazaki who is the chairperson for Ghibuli museum. I hope it works out so at least Tamara can go home and say she did something anime-ish other than doing shopping!

Well, I stayed up for more than 24 hrs now so I should be able to get decent sleep tonight! I am jumping in the bath now! mmm :)

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Fingerprinting when entering America.  

People from countries that had visa waiver program will also have to be fingerprinted and photographed to enter US starting this fall. This may only add 15 sec at the immigration like the US officials say, I doubt it. It will take much more. I read about this on Honolulu Advrtiser first and how Hawaii Toursim Officials or people related to tourism industry were very much concerned about this, that it will give a unpleasant image to tourists right off the plane, when you are supposed to enter the state of aloha.

From the past two times that I went through US immigration after they started doing the fingerprinting for visa holders, I had a chance to look at one of those fingerprinting tool. It was tiny, and looked like one of those tools at the dentist's office that they use to better see your teeth.
I don't care about being fingerprinted, or being photographed. as long as they keep the procedure minimum and simple. If they start doing this though however, immigration should stop questioning japanese tourists for like 10-15 minutes when they are nervous enough about their English skills. When I am in line for the immigration, majority of Japanese tourists, are so nervous about going to talk to the immigration official alone. Japanese people even practice while they are in the line. So cute. Have you ever seen other country's people doing this? Some airports are different from another and they end up calling the translator, making things much harder for harmless tourists.

I know times are changing. I feel awful about what's going in Spain. As Spain is my favorite country that I am dying to go visit which I haven't been able to yet. I just hope that this won't affect the tourism industry. You never know that people from Japan end up going to asian paradise like Bali more where they don't have to go through all that hassle.

People made a big deal out of fingerprinting in the 80's in Japan. When we required all foreigners to be fingerprinted on their alien registration card, saying this was a discrimination against foreigners. So it has stopped. Why can't we complain? Why is it that nobody can't complain against american rules? and even if we complain. why is it that they are never heard? I wonder.

The most orgasmic book of the year 

I wasted a day that was perfect for hanami, well.. not exactly a waste.. but I ended up reading 11 minutes by Paulo Coelho until around noon, from last night....so I needed sleep during the day. I need to do something about this whacked schedule.

What an orgasmic book though. I hadn't had such a vivid imaginary world in my head reading a book in so long..and how does Paul Coelho understand women to this extreme? This book sort of helped set me free in many different ways. I needed this! I wish more men would read this book and come to understand us women a little more even though men and women are totally different creature, although I can see how some men or women might not enjoy this type of book, but if you let yourself go, then I think you will be able to appreciate yourself and your own beautiful body a little more than you did yesterday, at least I was able to.

Saturday, April 03, 2004

Fighting the cold virus 

I love this Airborne Formula Tablet. Kev got a cold while he was back in the States a while back, and brought back this tablet. Cute drawing. Anyhow. I have been taking it every 3 hrs, just like a fruity juice, and my body is fighting the cold and doing good so far :) GO GO AIRBORNE! (which is a favorite product and made famous by Kevin Costner and Sarah Jessica Parker)

smells like inoki spirit?  

Did you know that there is this Antonio Inoki's original perfume, called Eau De Dahhhh? I thought this was a joke at first, but it was real. Apparently it came out on February 1st, I wonder if this scent makes you feel powerful or something... either way this isn't a pheromone cologne..that's for sure.


Working on fridays isn't the greatest thing. Just when I am working my ass off, majority of people are having fun drinking or something. Working on fridays with "comedians" isn't the easiest thing either. I suppose it's a good thing for me in a way that I get to be more naturalle, where I had to be more serious on the show before because with working with straight news format, friday is completely different, yet that's more "me". Funny how majority of listeners are probably thinking that I am this really serious woman doing the news, in reality, I am the less serious one in the bunch and cracking up people all the time. Weird.

It will take a while for me to get used to a completely different format and style, today's guest was Harigane Rock. Comedians from Osaka. (Yoshimoto Kogyo) Every week on fridays, we give quiz to the guest comedians and to Patrick, and whomever loses have to do batsu-game(punishing game) . Tonight I had to do batsu-game with the guest, Harigane-rock who lost, as me doing the "ochi" with the guest was Patrick's order. All I had to do was to say the line that's supposed to be funniest (which is "Ochi") with Harigane Rock while they are doing their short comedy skit. I certainly worked my ass off tonight.

Being a comedian can't be an easy job. Yet there are so many people who want to do "owarai". Everyone's tsubo(pressure point for humour) is different, so you can't make everyone think you are funny. As I work at night shift, I don't get to watch TV especially when Japanese comedy programs are on. Plus Kevin doesn't understand it so I don't really get to watch it neither. Japanese humour might be hard for gaijins to understand sometimes, as I also find american jokes "samui"(gives me chills) sometimes. I really don't know what to do when people do this where they share the jokes. Why do you do it?!! I was speaking to a friend of mine who is married to italiano, and she was saying the same thing where she can't stand it when her husband and his friends start this joke passing stuff. like.. "Listen, this and that..." and you go "ahhh"... this is just one thing that I do not understand why you people do this??? I just want to laugh hard, and not wait til somebody finishes this long story. (Sometimes it's short but..) Is this something that I start doing if I live overseas for a certain period of time too? I love shows like Mad TV, something that's just stupid and simple, which is probably the closest thing to Japanese humour, but then again .. I don't know. You hear how people talk about how Japanese people are the most lame ones when it comes to humour, are we?

Anyway, I have to study some owarai people and start watching some shows. Comedians keep coming and going... so it's hard to keep up with new ones. Most of the new ones. ..I have NO clue. oh well... it's fine when you can laugh at them, but to keep watching when it's boring is.. that's work. I admire people in comedy that last long, there are so few of them that make it big. I guess with Japanese comedias, when they can't make it big, most of them go back to regular work, but why is it that how american comedians tend to be so self-destructive? I saw this one Japanese comedian Tamayo who semi-made it big in America in the 90's, at Yokota base before when she was pretty much over the hill as a comedian. She was dead drunk, and all of her racial jokes weren't accepted by the audience at all. Noone was laughing, absolutely no one. She was depressed and looked so awful after the stage, I went up to speak to her after the stage that I admire her effort to make it big in the US, and she was saying something to me in Japanese but wasn't making any sense. I got really worried about her, I hope she is okay wherever she is or whatever she is doing now.

heh, enough comedy rant. I have a first symptoms of cold, sore throat, coughing, fever.. and I worked hard this week, so glad that I don't have live gigs til next wednesday, good god. I needed this. so done blogging for now.. time to go crawl up in bed for some bedtime reading.

Friday, April 02, 2004

April Fool's day 

Here is an article about how April Fool's joke got out of hand for Google. Oh right, it was April Fool's yesterday...(Its already April 2nd ..4am in Tokyo) . Speaking of Google, Google Japan are hiring staffs... hmmm.

Lazy and unmotivated people.  

This article below is taken from Careerjournal.com. In all honesty, I am so turned off by lazy, unmotivated people. I do not know what goes on in their head but I do want to know so I can help them. I, on the other hand, get a gret joy out of meeting people face to face, and not working from home, (funny, that this statement is coming from 6 months homebound person who was afraid to get on the train once= me) , but some people stay at home forever basically not doing anything. WHY?

If I watch a great film, I want to get involved in film making so I cam make my own. and start finding ways to do so. If I read a great book, I want to write my own. If I am reading a cool magazind, I want to launch my own. it's just to me..it's like.. what are they doing wasting their time... give ME that time!! but in all reality, It may not be that they are just lazy, they may have other underlying problems that prevents from them to be passionate about something, or keep motivated. It could be ADD. Either way, once it gets serious enough, it can wreck your relationhship. trust, ..on and on. I know that being today is April 1st, a lot of people started a new social life, whether that's school or work, and you know, they look excited, and happy, by meeting new people. I want lazy, unmotivated people to realize that there is so much out there in the outside world, and that it's better to open up your door, spread your wings. Don't just let the day go by ...

"Lazy and Unmotivated? Could Be Procrastination "

By Douglas B. Richardson

If you suspect procrastination is a problem in your career and life, it probably is. Until now, you may have viewed your time-management and task-avoidance problems as mild personality quirks. In truth, they may be wrecking your productivity, relationships and job prospects.

Procrastinating causes others to make sweeping negative generalizations about your initiative, integrity, competency, motivation and loyalty. To start dealing with the problem, you need to question what you're doing, why you're doing it, and for whom.

Procrastination is evident in a wide spectrum of unproductive behaviors, attitudes, emotions and patterns. Moreover, different people experience this trait differently. Some procrastinators are uncomfortable with their behavior ("What's wrong with me?"), while others are unconcerned ("What, me worry?"), have sudden surges of energy ("I revised my resume 26 times!") or are oblivious to their problem ("Things are great! Really, they'll be fine!"). Procrastination also frequently triggers intense guilt ("I'm dumb. I'm a bad person. I've let you down.").

Often a Fear-Based Behavior

Procrastination is commonly viewed as a response to an acquired fear. It's how someone with some underlying performance anxiety, such as the fear of failure or criticism, may behave to cope with his or her feelings. Those with a strong psychological need for stability and security are particularly apt to procrastinate. They have difficulty processing and accepting major changes in life or at work and respond by putting off things related to the change. Those who are stimulated by change often interpret their actions as overt or covert resistance -- actually accusing them of being "resisters," disloyal or "not getting with the program."

Fear-based procrastinators often are unable to start a task (psychologists call this "approach avoidance"). They may feel dread, inertia or like their brains weigh a ton. It's normal to feel fearful or anxious when faced with uncertainty. However, if these feelings are surfacing unconsciously or are disproportionate to the task, you will be constantly defending yourself against imagined threats instead of relishing challenge and achievement.

Yearning to Be Free

Yet procrastination isn't always caused by fear, and it doesn't always show up as immobility, guilt-wracked passivity or extreme anxiety. Those who seek autonomy, independence or freedom from control often procrastinate as well.

One Philadelphia lawyer, while outwardly pleasant and collaborative, often misses deadlines, is late for meetings and asks judges for extensions. She now says her behavior comes from wanting to schedule life on her own terms.

Indeed, many people who are more comfortable as "individual contributors" -- meaning they like to do things themselves -- work in ways that others view as unconventional, undisciplined or uncontrollable. These folks like freedom. When someone tells them, "You're not really a team player," they know that judgment is on target.

Anti-control Freaks

For other people, any form of control feels bad. They don't like conformity, rules or structure, and when they aren't enthusiastic or they resist performing a task, they're labeled as procrastinators. Their delay tactics often are accompanied by other passive-aggressive behaviors that seem disagreeable or rebellious.

Some control-resisters know that being branded as indifferent loners can sidetrack their careers, so they "try to be good." However, that can be hard to sustain. For example, an electronics salesman in Portland, Ore., has spurts of tremendous productivity followed by periods of downtime, inefficiency or disorganization. As he puts it, "I go 'off the clock' in order to recharge my batteries -- or reward myself for my prior hard work." Not surprisingly, he has quit or been fired six times in 11 months.

Stimulation Seekers

People who are stimulated by pressure, deadlines, chaos and risk also procrastinate, but they seldom feel guilty about it. Such risk-takers savor the excitement of rewriting contracts in an hour, keeping an expanding number of balls in the air or rewiring the circuits before the bomb explodes.

These "pressure-prompted" and "polyactive" people aren't satisfied with being "on time and on budget." They relish crisis, are comfortable with chaos and seek the excitement of danger in their life and work. Predictably, they often ignore deadlines, drop the ball or miss the target, causing people with more measured temperaments to label them as "loose cannons" or "thrill seekers."

Other Causes

Procrastination also can be caused by physiological deficits or disabilities. People with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), for example, often have difficulty managing time. They may struggle to stay focused on repetitive or detail-oriented tasks. Conversely, other people with ADD focus too intently on activities they enjoy while deadlines slip away.

"For me, time goes at all different speeds," says a Maryland-based general contractor. "Time frequently surprises me; sometimes it flashes by, sometimes it crawls. Plus, I love to talk to people and hate to end interesting conversations. So I'm late a lot, and some people think I'm unreliable." Similarly, those with disabilities -- particularly "invisible" ones such as dyslexia -- may not perform as quickly or consistently as others.

Although these people may be highly motivated, they need to realistically assess their capabilities before making commitments. "In an average day, I'm about 10% less efficient than a person without ADD," says Edward Hallowell, M.D., an authority on ADD and founder of the Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health in Andover, Mass. "I've had to build that into my thinking about what I should undertake and what I can accomplish."

Finally, procrastination can be due simply to immaturity: Younger workers often don't realize how productive people really function. They think that a successful person becomes that way naturally or effortlessly. They haven't learned how to discipline themselves, prioritize tasks and otherwise work "smart." For them, the best cure for procrastination is prompt, candid feedback and clear performance standards.

Addressing Procrastination

Dealing with procrastination requires examining:

* The underlying causes of your behavior;
* The effects those behaviors have on the quality and quantity of your work; and
* The reactions other people have to your behavior and the judgments they make as a result.

As a practical matter, the last problem may be the greatest. Many procrastinators can anticipate problems and adjust just enough to avoid causing performance train-wrecks. They may beat the buzzer and get the job done, but their slowdowns cause frustration and anger. This leads bosses, colleagues and friends to make negative judgments that are hard to shake. Regardless of whether we say so, we all tend to view procrastinators as passive, lazy, lethargic or irresponsible. If these labels stick, career opportunities can evaporate, regardless of your other strengths.

Many people try to control their procrastinating behavior by using will power. This behavior-modification approach, sometimes called "fake it 'til you make it," requires constant effort and attention. Because this approach isn't built on insight and involves trying to extinguish old behaviors rather than learn new ones so those who try it often backslide, feel frustrated or wear out.

Recognizing Patterns

A better approach is to understand the underlying factors and forces that trigger your particular brand of procrastination. This isn't easy; you may need help and the perspective of a counselor, therapist or an understanding boss. Start by looking for patterns in your behavior. True procrastination usually isn't a one-shot screw-up; it's a consistent lens or filter through which you view the risks and rewards of your actions.

Ask yourself:

1. Are my procrastinating behaviors reactive or proactive? That is, do they protect you from potential risk or pain, or do they generate some kind of gratification?

2. Do they come from within me, or are they caused by my work environment? People who are overburdened, exhausted or short on resources may not perform consistently because they can't, not because they're procrastinating.

3. Exactly when and where does my procrastination occur? What kinds of situations make you struggle with starting or finishing tasks? Are they:

* Activities you have never done before or don't know how to do without help
* Activities where you don't know the standards measuring your performance
* Tasks you resent, think are silly or don't see the point of
* High-risk or high-stakes challenges
* Projects where other people are always telling you what to do
* Tasks involving teamwork or collaborating with other people
* Projects that involve lots of preparation or many stages
* Activities that don't promise immediate gratification or deep satisfaction
* Situations where you have to choose from among a lot of competing demands
* Tasks involving numbers, detailed plans or learning new skills
* Tasks where you have to write, speak publicly or sell yourself

Gaining Perspective

Once you understand your procrastination motives and triggers, ask yourself some "re-framing" questions that put the consequences of your procrastination into perspective. For example:

* Exactly how big a deal is this?
* Am I blowing things out of proportion?
* What happens if I do it well?
* What happens -- really -- if I perform poorly?
* Are the consequences of procrastination worse than the consequences of poor performance?
* Am I reacting to present realities or to something in my past?
* What will other people judge -- my actions or my attitudes? Which has a greater impact on my future prospects?
* Am I "catastrophizing?" Am I trying to scare myself into performing?

But the most important questions of all are: Can I change? Should I change? In confronting your procrastination, your goal is to create reasonable, manageable and realistic expectations for yourself. Different people have different energy levels, respond to different kinds of incentives (or threats), and react differently to change, crisis, novelty, authority and collaboration.

To combat persistent procrastination, you must judge yourself objectively -- but also fairly and kindly. If your style of procrastination has caused major problems in your current work setting, you may need to find one that's more tolerant of people with your work style. Your time and task-management symptoms may indicate that you're in the wrong place, the wrong kind of role and trying to please the wrong people.

Blaming yourself won't eliminate procrastination. It will just make you feel guilty when you do procrastinate. In the end, your own personal risk-and-reward roadmap shapes how you deal with your procrastination. Once you can read it, your destination, direction and speed will be much clearer.

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